What to do when your co-parent basically uses their visitation to drop child off at the other grandparents house?

My daughter (8) "visits" with her father for about 6hours a week on a weekend day. What that really means that 90% of the time that he is picking her up and bringing her to his moms. Sometimes he is visiting there as well but sometimes (and it seems like maybe most often even) she is dropped off and picked up later. My daughter does not spend time with her father at his own house where he lives with his SO and step child of a similar age. I find this to be a bit odd.What is starting to become really concerning to me is that Grandma now has a sense of entitlement over my daughter. When her father does not feel like picking her up and putting on the charade I have stood firm on that if he is not visiting with her then she will stay home with me.This gets him to be the one to pick her up unless he is out of town/unavailable. In the past he would grumble but not make it a thing. However, the past few weeks he has really been pushing the boundaries. Today he is out of town but expects that his mother will pick up my daughter and when I said no, they both began to message and call me to send a bunch of threatening messages and talked about how Grandma has a "right" to see her.My issue is with the deception of what is going on mainly and not that I am trying to be difficult. There is a history of trying to hide things from me and pull one over on me and so I have had to set a lot of boundaries. Example: father would not tell me his address, tried to hide from me that he moved to a new house. Another example: father asked to bring daughter on weekend trip out of town that it turns out he was not attending, the adult that would be there would have been his SO whom I have NEVER met and have no contact info for.I have also been open to Grandma spending time with Daughter when she has asked me directly and not tried to be deceptive. If she requests time I agree to it unless theres a conflict and then I've offered alternative time. At this point my daughter spends significantly more time with her paternal Grandma than she does with my own mother who lives down the street from me. I feel uncomfortable with the situation that she thinks she has rights. Another thing to note is that her father does not pay child support, pay for any of her expenses, attend her sports practices/games or any school events, ask to see her report card etc... He basically picks her up for a weekly visit with Grandma and thats it.How do I frame the discussion with Grandma that this is not about her and that I am the mom? I want to talk to her directly because my ex has a history of being a liar and was abusive, emotional manipulative to me when we were together and stalked me for years after I left him shortly after the birth of our daughter. I'm sure he will attempt to make things more hard between us than need be.What I want to get across is that If her father does not pick her up then she will spend the day with me because I am her parent. If Grandma wants time with daughter she needs to ask me, not demand it. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2GZO9vC