Grandmother defiance with rules... pick battles or fight them all?

Okay, so out of six possible grandparents my daughter has only one that is actively involved in any kind of meaningful way. She adores her, the adoration is mutual really, but I have a real gripe with her not following my rules for my daughter and I don't know how to proceed.My daughter is almost five. We are working on effective butt wiping. When my daughter comes home from a visit, I ask if her grandma checked her after wiping or if she just did it for her.. she seems to have an issue with letting the kid attempt things for herself. Too much babying.She will put her shoes on her. Put her coat on her. Wipe her ass for her. Give her too much fast food.My frustration with my rules not being following is reaching all time high. I'm feeling disrespected in my wishes and I feel like the natural move now is to pull back on my allowance of my daughter visiting her, which I hate to have to do.I should be clear that this is my daughter's great grandmother and my own grandmother. My family had kids young up until me who waited, she's still only around sixty. But I have a frame of reference for how she is as a grandmother, which is overindulgent and over the top with child worship.Again, she was a good figure in my life but she isn't a parental rule follower. She didn't follow my parents rules, and now she isn't following mine. I'm not a teen mom depending on the care like my mom was but I don't want to take away the only active grandparent my daughter has over pettiness.But repeat statements of, she needs to be wiping her own ass. She needs to be doing her own shoes and coat, etc, are going ignored once they are out of sight.I hesistate to threaten her like if you don't start following my rules I'm going to cease your visits for a while, like I feel like it's not fair and not a huge enough deal to do that over, but I want my rules followed.So any advice? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EbYTJT