Heres the thing, they have not been together long, like slightly under a year, and kinda been off and on like 9 times during that period. Now I moved in my own place last week, but before that she's lived with us, and I'd say me and her ( I'll call her Mary ) formed our own bond separate from her and my father. We played basketball, took walks, darts, and just sat outside and talked. Even when they broke up temporarily back then, we'd still keep in contact every other day or every 3 days. During there relationship in general, she's been very kind and nurturing towards me.Went out of her way to fix me dinner when my father wasn't home, drove me a 45 minute drive to my therapist when she had her rental car and my father was out of town. Took the blame for me when I accidentally knocked over a vase, because she didn't know how angry my dad would be and she told me she wanted me to know that she had my back. I went through a lazy loser phase where I was staying up super late and not doing anything with my life, and during an argument she fussed at me and said " What will you do if your parents were no longer around?! How will you provide for yourself?? Your 22 ( I'm currently 23 ) you should be wanting to do these things for yourself! I'm glad your seeing a therapist, but it can't just end there! " Rubbed my face and gave me a hug when I was in a car accident and had to be hospitalized. Wanted to help me get ready for going to college and drive me around and help pay the financial aid, but couldn't due to my father thinking it wasn't her job because she's not my parent and told her to back off. Helped me clean my bathroom and afterwards gave me a hug and said " Here baby I just want you to get in the habit of cleaning your rooms when you moveout. " There was this one incident where, when they were going through there temporary breakups, they got into a heated texting argument where he told her not to contact me again, and the next day I happen to run into her daughters boyfriend and he told me Mary was very upset and didn't sleep well the other night, I didn't know what had happened until he told me. I called her as soon as I got home reassure her that I wanted us in eachothers lives and to disregard what my dad told her.About a month ago they broke up officially, but still we been keeping in touch often. At first when I texted her to see if she was ok, and she said she wanted to focus on herself and to get on her feet, so I texted " oh do you want to cut contact? I understand eitherway " Then she replied " No no hun your fine, stay in touch, I'm talking about with your father. " The thing with me is, I have a bit of relationship anxiety, rather it's familyish like this situation, or romantic like in other circumstances, so I have a constant worry that she will leave, because I know in some situations the step parent ( lack of better words ) completely cuts ties with all parties involved.When she texted me just to check up on me, I told her that I needed to say something and she replied " what is it?" Then she sent another saying " You can call me you know " So I called and just explained my worry of her wanting to cut ties in the long run, but that its ok if she did. She talked to me and told me that her relationship with my father was separate and that thats why she's texting me because she said she wants me to know that. She said she wants to get her own car so she can pick me up and get me out the house, and not to worry and to call anytime I need to talk.When my father left the state attend a wedding, Mary happened to text me and I told her my fathers in Newyork, and she called me later that day asking if I had enough food and everything. She called my dad first to see if it was ok. Late that night I accidentally butt dialed her number, and didn't realize until I heard my name being shouted and when I pulled out my phone she hung up and called back and said ' You know you just called right? I apologized and explained it was a accident and she said " oh..you scared me babe, but your ok though? " I told her everything was dandy. The next afternoon she called to make sure I had food for breakfast., and then she asked if me and my mom were ok and if we hangout and talk, and I said yeah we do, why? She said " Ok good I just wanted to make sure I wasn't pushing your mom out of the picture. My mothers relationship with me is rock solid.When she left for El Paso for her family, she still called to check in and told me she just wanted to hear my voice, and she told me that only if I wanted to, to call her after every therapist session because she wanted to know how it goes. Few days after that, the anxiety came back and I started doubting her wanting to keep in touch because I haven't heard from her in 4 days. So I texted her hey can we talk, if your not busy" She called immediately, and said are you sure I'm not holding you back or anything, or in your way of moving forward? If you need to cut contact I understand and its ok, I want to stay in touch but only if you do, I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want you to feel obligated to keep me around. She said baby listen your fine ok your fine your fine your fine, get that thought out your head, I want you thinking about college, getting a job, and moving out ok. Then she said jokingly " and I thought we talked about this last time, plus weren't you the brave one that told me you wanted us to be in eachothers life?" I responded saying, yeah I know but I just wanted to make sure it was mutual and she said it was , and she told me that she sees me as one of her own, and that she'd always be there for me, and if I'm angry, or sad or need to vent to call her and she told me she never wants me to think its a problem texting, calling her. ( I still would feel uncomfortable with calling her just to vent because I still feel like I'd be a burden on her and I still don't know how close she views me and I just rather stay on the safer side ) I told her that I just wanted to emotionally prepare myself to minimize the pain if she did and didn't want to get hurt and she said I'm not going to hurt you babe" I apologized for bugging her with this again and she said no no no your not bugging me.Earlier today, I texted asking how she was and she said she's been trying getting work done and just got done cooking and asked how I was doing. I told her I was helping my mother with my aunts birthday and said am I bothering you? Sorry if I am ( I don't want to text or call people if there busy ) She texted, no your not your never bothering me, remember your always free to text or call, and asked how old my aunt was going to be. So I told her and she texted I hope I live that long, I'm turning 45 this Sunday. So I texted her yeah I hope you live that long to so I can still thump you and pull pranks, and I told her happy early birthday and to enjoy herself. She texted thanks, and said " hopefully my head will still be ripe enough for you to thump when I'm that old. She still tells me to make sure to get a good loyal girlfriend and that she would like to meet her to and make sure she's appropriate lol.In general again we text eachother every 2 or 3 days and she mostly texts first, but like if she doesn't initiate a text for 4 days at certain times I get a little worried that she'd forgotten about me and etc. I'd rather her tell me up front if she wants to cut contact so I can have closure and move on faster, as apposed to ( if ) her just cutting contact out of the blue. Maybe this is just my anxiety and low self esteem talking. Or do you think she just being polite, because I know sometimes people say things they may not mean. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ofF7Wt
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