Inequality between separated parents

So I think I might just need to vent a little bit, but I'm also looking for any advice you might have on this.Bit of background, my daughter is three, her dad and I have always had an on/off relationship which has not changed since we had her. This has not been my choice, whenever we have separated it has been because he has left. When I was three months pregnant he ended the 'relationship' via Facebook completely out of the blue. By the time our daughter was born we were together and he was there for the birth, he then disappeared to another country for some very questionable work when our daughter was three months old.I'm tearing up writing this now, although I've told myself not to cry about it anymore because I've been so heartbroken so many times that I had to put some kind of cap on my emotional response to save my sanity.Anyway. Fast forward to now. My daughter lives with me. He looks after her while I work and I have just taken on a new career path which is something I really want to do. At the moment I'm struggling because all my free time (as in time I'm not working) is spent being a mum. All his free time (when he's not with her) is exactly that, free time for him, because he doesn't work. That's a separate issue. He has never held down a job for more the a year and has massive gaps in his employment.I just feel like I'm working really hard on all fronts - trying to better myself in the working world so I can provide for her and be someone she looks up to (my new career path is in outdoors education and so I feel like this will be great for her as she gets older as I will have access to lots of opportunities for her). While on the flip side, her dad is quitting jobs left right and centre to take on dubious 'business opportunities' which always amount to nothing.I came home from work early recently to find him lying in my bed watching something with his headphones in and out daughter left on her own with a film on in the other room. She had taken apart several craft projects we had done together out of boredom and probably to try and get some attention. The film had nearly finished so I can only assume she had been on her own for nearly two hours.When I'm with her I try to give 100% all the time. Always engaging with her and planning activities. At work I have taken on a lot of responsibility and I'm learning a lot of new skills, undergoing intensive training, and am required to pursue an active interest in certain activities in my own spare time. While her dad ignores her, is short tempered with her, and is quite happy to sit around doing nothing whenever he can.So I've snapped a bit this morning, which is why I'm writing this now. My daughter was winging at me and refusing to get ready to go out (it's a beautiful day and I just wanted a nice walk by the river with her, I thought it would be a lovely day for us together). In that moment when she was being rude and defiant I just thought 'fuck this actually' because I don't have the energy, I'm deeply unhappy and resentful in truth. And the main source of that is that her Dad, who should be my 50/50 partner in all of this (regardless of our relationship or lack of) is just not putting in the effort. He just does the bare minimum at all times and cannot follow simple instruction or understand the pressure I am under to perform in all areas of my life.At the moment I just want to give up. I know I can't give up, I know I won't give up. I just feel like I'm constantly desperately clawing at the edge of a cliff to hang on. And I'm so indescribably angry at her Dad for being such a useless lump over all these years. He won't acknowledge the added stress he is causing me, he refuses to apologise or take responsibility for the poor choices he has made and how they have affected us. I feel worthless because of the way he has treated me and how little her cares about how I feel.Thanks for reading if you got this far. Help? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2odtjRk