Coming out of lurk mode to ask y'all for advice...My wife and I are adopting an amazing 7 yo boy, "R." He has been in our legal custody since 12/15/16 and started at a new school in January of this year.I have a parent teacher conference tomorrow and I'm bugging out about it. I don't think R's teacher likes us very much. R said "I don't wanna upset you guys" and that she thinks we think he's not doing well and he is (we don't think that). I have a feeling that came from her since those are not his words. In February I emailed her accommodation paperwork from his psychiatrist and she never responded. In the beginning of March I wrote a long note in his planner asking about his progress since he never ever gets anything sent home! Nothing ever graded or anything.We didn't start the school year with her obviously so we don't know what her practices are and we're new to this. So she wrote back three weeks later after I wrote in his planner every week "did you see my note on week of March 6?" (Or whatever date) and said he was doing fine and that we need to sign his planner every day (we do) and that she sent him home a packet on his first day about homework and policies (we never got that packet) and she KNOWS he brings stuff home because she sees him put it away.Then yesterday R brought home this poem he "wrote" and when I read it I immediately recognized it as Shel Silverstein. I called him out on it and scolded him for misrepresenting it as his work (he swore up and down it was HIS poem but I could tell it was not even if I didn't already know the poem). In his planner Teacher had written "best poem" so I signed it and wrote "Shel Silverstein's poem" underneath. She wrote back and said something like "I knew it wasn't his, he changed some words, did you notice? We talked about it being okay if he changed some stuff. I was going to talk to him about it later. You need to bring the poem back for his folder, he said you kept it." Soooo does she have a folder full of his graded work? Who knows??About the poem thing: to me it doesn't seem like a great idea to let a kid pass off someone else's work for their own. I told him immediately that it was plagiarism and how hurtful plagiarism is to a writer. I am a writer, so I'm super sensitive about it and I want my kid to be sensitive to it as well. I don't know if it's a common practice to let kids build off their skills like that. I told R that's it's lying and stealing, that he wasn't in trouble but I wanted him to know that it's not okay. It's okay to like someone else's work and write it down or share it but not to say that it's YOURS. I didn't know if she knew it wasn't HIS or not. I wasn't trying to tell her I knew something she didn't which is how I am afraid I came off.Idk if I'm being sensitive or what, I feel like she's being somewhat condescending toward us for not knowing EXACTLY what's going on ALL the time, but we're new to this (parenting, having a kid in school, her class policies, all of it) and we have NO idea what's going on because no one has ever told us. So does she have a folder of his graded work we've never seen? Who knows because she's never told us??? I even said hey did you get my email in February? She said no not yet. Well lady it's been two months so if you didn't get it I don't think you will. I know the email address was correct because I got it off the school website. So I just re-forwarded it to her this afternoon so she would have it for our conference.The thing for me if that we were never made aware of the expectations. She says he's doing great and I'm really glad, but we don't get ANYTHING else. R can't even tell us what he's done during the day! We ask and he says "I drew a picture" or "I can't remember," so we have literally zero idea what's going on. The accommodation letter from his psychiatrist says that there needs to be a lot of communication between us and the teacher and there's been nothing. I know she got the letter back in February because I didn't get a bounce back... she never responded and didn't up the communication either. I think she thinks we have zero idea what we're doing (we don't!! Haha). I do plan on going in with an open mind and letting her take the lead. I know there's not much time left in the school year but I do think we deserve to know what is expected of the students and what he's doing every day.She says he's amazing and has friends and is great in class. Another thing she said was we need to sign his planner EVERY DAY. We check it every day and most days she doesn't even put a letter in it (I'm sure you know the scale E V S N U) but then scolds us for not signing it! I guess I'm gonna sign it every time now.She also said he needs to bring his planner every day (he does) and that we need to return his signed report card sleeve (which was in his backpack)!I also think a lot of it has to do with no one ever cared what he did or brought home before. When I was little I knew that I had to give stuff to my mom when I got home. Notices, letters, whatever. I don't think R ever had to before (in foster care). We're trying to get him in the habit now of giving us any papers and planner when he gets home.In the meantime, how should I handle my conference tomorrow? I just feel like this woman thinks we're totally clueless or incompetent!TLDR: Parent-teacher conference tomorrow and I'm afraid the teacher thinks I'm an idiot.Edited: clarification via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oL8782
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