7yr old (F) does not understand cause and effect.

This may be beyond the scope of this subreddit so I apologize. I'm struggling to find resources that work.A little background that may be relevent: My seven year old (step)daughter had a rough early life. Her mother is not in the picture anymore, and hasn't been since she was 4. I am 'Mom' to her and have been in her life since she was 1. She's had major disruptive behavioral difficulties at home and at school. Due to insurance hang ups, we have been unable to get her regular (effective) therapy. A psychologist that was not covered by her insurance and was unable to actually see her in person but was able to read her medical files and evaluations (for what we suspected was ADHD) suspects she may have Reactive Attachment Disorder (disinhibited). This may be the root of the issue, but resources for this have been slim at best and it seems like very few people know of the disorder.Onto the issue:My daughter does not understand cause and effect (or at least it doesn't seem to). I think this is a common issue with kids which is why I'm reaching out here.A couple of examples:She is destructive to her property. Yesterday, she drew all over her walls in a sharpie she stole from school (our house sharpies are hidden). As a consequence, I gave her a magic eraser and told her that before she could play with her friends outside she had to get the marker off the wall. She had a meltdown. She tore up the sponge and cried about how it wasn't fair that she had to scrub the walls while I didn't have to. I tried explaining to her that it was because she chose to draw on them when she knows that's not acceptable that she has to. I wasn't the one that drew on the walls, so I didn't have to scrub them. This is probably the fifth time this has happened, with the same consequence and the same result. She ended up just pouting in her room for two hours before she decided she wanted to go to bed early. The walls still have marker on them.She doesn't seem to understand that when she is mean or violent with other kids that they won't like that, or will be mean back to her. She will pout and cry to me about how someone didn't want to play with her because she called them a name, or hit them. She gets very, very upset when someone does it back to her, and again starts in with the 'it's not fair's.She doesn't seem to grasp that when she lies, people will stop believing her. She is very good at it. She will lie about anything and everything, and will again have a meltdown if I don't believe her about something, even if I explain to her why I don't believe her. This is a daily thing.Doesn't understand why I won't buy her replacements for toys she breaks. See "it's not fair" above.These things have been going on for 3 years with seemingly no progress. I like to use natural consequences if possible, but we have also tried: talking about it, taking away privileges, taking away toys, time outs, time ins, etc.I have read and attempted the methods in The Reactive Child, but so far have not seen any difference. I may just not be very good at it.Any tips on how to teach this to her or guide her in that direction? I'm really struggling here with these daily meltdowns. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2okAvew