Hello again!First of all thank you for all the advice dropping in. We decided to have another talk to her about it. What doesn't she like about the smoking? She said she that the smell isn't fresh and that she doesn't like having to put her clothes in the laundry after being there. She said that when she gets tired at soccer practise the day after she thinks it might be because she has been in smoke the day before. We asked why she doesn't want to ask them to stop and she said she is afraid they'll find her annoying for asking them to stop doing something they like. They apparently take a lot of "joy" in being able to smoke in that garage. She said she understands it because it makes that smokey atmosphere. Here we asked if she thinks her feelings and desires are as important as everyone else's in the garage, and she said yeah, but they outnumber her. We asked if she knows that her boyfriend wants them to smoke in there and she said she doesn't know, so we called him downstairs and asked. He said he isn't bothered by it, but said if she doesn't like it he thinks it is a reasonable request and they won't be asshats about it. He told us the twins can get a little excited about the fact that they have so much freedom in there and rant about how nice it feels to light up inside and not have to go out, and that they likely have no idea it is bothering her.We asked them both if they have any ideas how to solve it and there is a small window in the garage that can be opened, but since it is small they don't think it will help much unless they smoke leaning out of the window. After some discussion, they seemed to think it is fair that she asks the twins to not smoke in the garage on schoolnights, while tolerating it on weeknights with the window opened. She asked for advice how to tell them this without coming off as uptight, so we gave a few ideas and I think she decided on going with something like "Hey, I know you value being able to smoke in this garage, but I don't like coming home smelly and needing to wash my clothes every day. Could you go outside and smoke on schoolnights and save the garage fog for weekends?" Hopefully, they'll say no problem, otherwise we'll have another problem to deal with. Boyfriend thinks they will agree to it, tells her not to worry about it, that they'll be cool with it. She says she hopes they won't start being like "come on, can I have just one inside today? It is super cold out." putting her in an awkward position every day. We talked about how to handle that and suggested she be clear and say "no" without explaining herself from the start if that were to happen so that eventually they will stop asking. We warned her about saying "okay, just this time" because then they might keep pushing, and she agreed she'll just say "no" without making excuses for herself.If they disrespect this request we'll step in and find a way to help her so she doesn't feel dismissed.We got a fair amount of criticism and also support of our parenting style last night. I want to make it clear that lenient isn't the same as uninvolved. We are highly involved parents, we watch her soccer games, listen to their band practice, hug her good night before bed, eat dinner together, talk to her about her friends, school and so on. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2iN4lFd
No comments:
Post a Comment