I have two children, a daughter aged 13 and a son aged 9. My wife tragically died ten months ago from ovarian cancer, so I’m a single father raising my kids (luckily I’m a pediatrician, so we’re OK financially). Anyway, last night I was doing some housework when I heard a couple of “thwack” type sounds and then some bloodcurdling screams coming from the TV room, and ran in there to find both my daughter and her friend both clutching their groins and rolling around on the ground, sobbing. The girls had been lying on their backs on the floor watching a movie, and my son had crept in and kicked them both right in their genitals. He claims it was because he was mad that they stole the TV from them and that he wanted to see if it hurt girls too- which I didn’t know how to respond to, other than just pointing at the two girls screaming in pain and writhing on the floor and asking him what he thought.Obviously, I was furious with him and locked him in his room, telling him that he’d better prepare to be in the worst trouble of his life (he’s not a bad kid, he’s actually really smart and usually a nice kid... but he has a horrible temper and is extremely impulsive- even by 9 year old boy standards- that flares up a few times a year). And obviously, I was mortified that I’d let my sister bring her friend over only for her to be kicked in her privates. The poor girls were both still in agony about an hour later when my daughter’s friend’s mom came over to pick her up, and I apologized profusely and promised that my son was in deep trouble for what he’d done. The friend’s mother knows me, knows I would never condone such a thing (and, after all, my daughter had been injured too) and so at least I don’t have to worry about that aspect of this disaster.But my daughter was still moaning and whimpering when she went to bed a few hours later, and I told her to come get me or just yell if she needed anything, although I thought she was just bruised and needed some rest. However, she apparently lay awake all night in excruciating pain and I was awakened at 4:57am to the sound of her vomiting into the bathtub. (Quick lesson of the female body: there is a nerve in girls connecting the clitoris to the stomach called the pudendal nerve, so girls who are kicked in the clit can actually feel the same type of nausea and stomach sickness boys feel after being kicked in the testicles). At that point I had a suspicion that she had really been injured, so I went to her room and she let me take an up close look at her vulva this morning- and I immediately saw an ugly bruise right on and around her clitoris.So I blew up all over again, barging into my son’s room and delivering a second round of verbal bullets for a rather rude wake up just after five in the morning, forced him to look at his sister squirming in serious pain on her bed some ten hours after he kicked her and asked him if he thought this was an appropriate response to his sister hogging the TV. He rolled his eyes, got mad that he’d been awaken at 5am “for this?” and yelled at her to stop being a pussy- a word I didn’t even know he knew (he’s NINE!). So I picked him up, carried him into his room, and locked the door. He is, to put this mildly, about to be in some deep shit.Now, though, I don’t know what to do next, and would appreciate some advice on a few fronts:First and foremost, how do I explain the sensitivity of the female genitalia (ie the clitoris) to my nine year old son? He’s obviously way too young for me to deliver a scientific explanation about all the A-delta fibre and C-fibre nerves that are located in a girl’s clitoris that makes the organ so susceptible to pain from a kick or strike there. But I feel like I need to do something to prove to him that it hurts girls just as much as boys to be hit in the groin, because him calling his sister a “pussy,” whether he knows what the word actually means or not, tells me that he thinks she was faking her pain. And I also sort of fear that if I don’t, he’ll start kicking other girls who set off his temper in the vulva (and really hurt them) to continue testing his theory. I’m still very irritated with him, but I also genuinely want to educate him and make sure he knows not to do this ever again. So any help on how to explain this to a child would be greatly appreciated.Second, also regarding my son: what, exactly, should I do to punish him? There’s no precedent here. He’s only been grounded twice before, for a week each following far less terrible actions. There have been a bunch of times where he’s thrown tantrums and I’ve just sent him to his room to let him scream himself out on top of those times, but he didn’t do anything really bad to merit grounding him. Anyway, I feel like he certainly needs to learn a lesson here, but what I don’t want to do is ground him for too long (like, say, for a year) so that he kinda starts to forget why he’s grounded and just gets angry that he can’t do things like normal. I kind of want to make him play nurse and tend to his injured sister, like by getting her ice packs and bringing her food to her bed, but I’m worried he still thinks she’s faking and would torture her as punishment for getting him in trouble, so that’s out. What should I do here?Third: while of course I feel awful for my own daughter- she’s super sweet and would never hurt a fly- I feel especially terrible for the poor girl who came over last night and got injured under my care, and all I want to do is help her. But here’s where things get kinda tricky. That girl’s household isn’t in as solid financial shape as mine, even with two parents. I’m about to call her parents and ask how she’s doing; if the answer is that she’s still suffering and they’re worried she may need to be looked at, should I offer to do this myself? I’m not her normal pediatrician since she lives a few towns away, but I feel like it’s my responsibility to right my son’s wrong. Especially if it turns out her genitals have been seriously damaged by the kick- which isn’t super common (for boys or girls) but not altogether unheard of- the last thing they can afford is an avoidable medical bill, even for like $100. The thing is, I obviously don’t want to come off as eager to look at/touch a middle school girl’s vulva, if you know what I mean. Now of course there’s not that intention on my end, I just want to make sure she’s OK and would make the same offer if it was her stomach, her chest, her arm, her face, etc. that my son had injured. It’s literally my job to ensure that children are healthy on a daily basis. And I think the parents and girl would know that I’d be asking this out of the good of my heart- I’ve been practicing for eleven years- but with all the Larry Nassar-type accusations flying around these days, that’s something I just have to be careful about. What do y’all think?Any insight, tips or advice you guys have on any of the issues I’ve raised would tremendously appreciated. I just feel so helpless right now without a second parent to bounce ideas off and team up with, and I thank everybody in advance for helping me out with this. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JZjeEe
