Stay at home Mum close to a breakdown

Hello everyoneI’m a stay at home Mum of two children (ages of 4 and 7 months) and I honestly think I am very close to losing my mind completely.My husband works 35 hours a week 8.30am till 4 on weekdays, off on weekends and he has a hands on job as an engineer.The reason I feel like I am losing my mind is because (although I understand my husband works and supports us) I feel like a single mother. The responsibilities of looking after my kids falls to me 24 hours a day. In the 7 months that our son has been here my husband has changed 5 nappies if that. He doesn’t even pick him up or play with him at all. Because our son is breastfed my husband hasn’t had to do a single feed and has therefore opted out of helping me with the baby in the middle of the night as he said it’s pointless (even though he could change the baby, pick up the baby and settle him as he doesn’t need feeding every time)On an average day I look after the kids but I also have a list of jobs my husband expects me to do before he gets home at 4 which take up most of my day. Everyday I’m expected to clean and tidy the house top to bottom. Mopping and hoovering, all the washing up done and put away, all surfaces in the house wiped down and the bathroom cleaned. Laundry done every morning, hung out and put away before he is home. I also do the food shop with no input from him although he complains every week I’ve bought the wrong things. The housework I do every day I feel is what someone would do normally once a week. On top of all this my husband has set places where literally every item we own has a place. The kettle for example has to point towards the microwave, the blinds in the bathroom have to be open a certain amount to let in the correct amount of light he thinks looks best etc.Even my daughters bedroom is expected to be spotless when he comes home (even no toys out etc). If the house isn’t up to his standard I get told off like I’m an employee. He says I’ve not done good enough and that he expects better the next day.This over time has led me to being the most depressed I have ever felt in my life. I have had depression since being a teenager but now I struggle most days to even dress myself. I just make sure my children are dressed and when I finally manage to get myself out of my own thoughts I tackle the housework.When my husband comes home at 4 he will disappear upstairs and get a bath/lie in bed for an hour and he’ll reappear when I have made tea (something I struggle with because the baby always wants feeding when I’m half way through cooking so I’m left with the dilemma of do I feed him and the tea burns or finish tea as quick as I can and leave the baby crying). Once again my husband would never cook tea as he has “been at work all day”. After I have made tea we sit at the table and my husband will eat as quickly as he can and will leave the table within 5 minutes of us all being sat, leaving me to feed the baby his solids and making sure our daughter behaves and eats her tea.I then have to clean the kitchen and wash up all the pots and dishes and put them away, tidy up the livingroom (as the cushions have to be a specific way before my husband is happy to sit down) and then i take my oldest to bed etc and then after that I finally sit down and husband appears to watch tv with me.I’ve tried telling my husband I’m depressed and he seems to either think I’m making it up and I’m just lazy or he believes I’m depressed and tells me to just get on with it, depending on what mood he is in.The hard part is I love my husband, and I appreciate that he goes out to work but it is killing me inside because I’m treated like I’m lazy, like my life is easy, like I have nothing to complain about when my depression makes even a good day the worst day.I also feel guilt because I don’t work, and on occasion my husband will ask me when I am going to get a job but in all honesty I’m so depressed I can’t even think about it.I want to get help from the doctors because I feel like I’m letting my kids down but I’m also scared to incase they think I’m an unfit mother. I’ve tried talking to my family but they all live hundreds of miles in each direction and don’t offer any help. I don’t have any friends anymore because they all disappeared when I had kids. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2N132C1

Making kids entertain themselves

My husband’s 4 year old nephew recently moved in with us and a problem I’m having is that he seems to not know how to entertain himself. I work from home so I spend maybe 5-6 hours daily in front of the computer and this child would literally just sit there next to me doing absolutely nothing all day if I allowed him to. No playing, drawing, running in circles, nothing. Just sitting in a chair staring at the wall. When I tell him that he can’t just sit doing nothing all day and that he needs to go and find some toys to play with, he reacts as if I told him to go scrub all the toilets. Cartoons do keep him entertained but where we live, cartoons only come on for an hour or 2 per day. Is it unreasonable to expect a soon-to-be 5 year old to know how to play quietly alone or is it mean to send him away to go play? Is it normal for a child this age to refuse to just go and play for an hour or so without being forced to go? If this is not normal, what could be the issue? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2IvA4GM

My 8 month old only likes fruit purees.

I have been feeding him 3 times a day for about a month now. At first he would happily eat anything, but now he keeps his lips shut at feeding time. I remain calm and will offer it too him numerous times without pressure until he finally accepts a bite. If its pear, he will then start to gladly eat it and will even open his mouth in wait. If its something savoury and he happens to like it on this day, he will accept and eat without fuss. If he doesn't like it, then he will continue to try not to eat it and I will continue to non forcibly offer it to him a few times till I'm sure he is just not into it and will try something else. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.At the moment, I like to offer savoury and then sweet. If he eats lots of savoury, then I will offer plenty of pear after. If he eats very little savoury, then I will still offer the fruit but only in the same amount that he ate of savoury.Sometimes I worry I am doing harm as his initial reaction to eating solids now is to refuse until after offering between 10-20 times. I have started singing nursery rhymes during feeding as he likes my singing and I really do try not to make this a forceful pressured time. It would be nice if he would happily accept his solids within 1-3 tries.Is my baby's behaviour normal? I don't really want to be mixing the fruit into his veg to make him eat because I would like to avoid solidifying a sweet tooth at this early stage. As I said before, sometimes he will take to a particular savoury puree and we have no drama, so I know he can do it.What could I be doing better at meal times? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Kqbc8l

Does the perfect place to raise kids exist?

Looking for a place with good schools, reasonable cost of living, nature-y outdoor kid spaces, decent weather, people from diverse walks of life (race, religion, socio-economic, etc), low crime and a sense of community. Is that asking too much? Any recommendations? Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KluCeJ

Vacation with a 13 month old?

I’ve never been around a 13 month old - so I’m not sure if I’m dreaming this will go smooth or what. He’s 7 months old now. Breastfed. Sleeps like shit. But overall happy af and very chill.In February (when he is 13 months) my husbands fam is planning to go to Hawaii. His parents, his 2 sisters and their husbands, and us plus our baby. No one else has kids.What’s it like to travel with a 13 month old. Will it be hell? Should we not go? Everyone said they are happy to pitch in and help us with him if we go.We’ve been to Hawaii. We would love to go back. But not if it’s gonna suck. It’s a 12 hour plane ride that we would split over two days (stop on the west coast for the night both ways).Thoughts? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KlFXvf

How to talk to the older sibling (5-year-old) about younger brothers disability.

Our 5-year-old has been asking a lot of question about why his 2-year-old brother cannot walk. The 5yr old is a great help and is a huge motivator for the younger brother. Doctors have not ruled out walking in the future, but he is 2 and can not crawl yet. Specialists are still searching for a reason for 2yr lack of strength. Older brother tells everyone we meet that his brother cannot walk and asked us why other little ones he knows can walk but little brother cant. I am just having trouble finding the words. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KcjaTp

Raising your voice to your toddler? Opinions?

My son is just over a year and a half. He is very smart and sweet when he wants to be. He wakes up every morning smiling and loves to give everyone and everything a kiss. He helped a little girl a daycare find her paci and put it in her mouth, kissed her on the head and walked off like a boss.Recently he's discovered hitting. He tested it out for a week or two and seemed to listen when corrected in a stern voice, no yelling just a stern " we dont hit, that hurts". Well this last week he decided to start up full force and nothing seems to stop him. He will start slapping sometimes when playing or if he decides mid-book that he doesnt like that one anymore or god forbid bedtime or pre-bedtime story time. Every night we read to him for about 15-20 minutes but last night youd think we were trying to skin him. Kicking slapping the whole 9. Today I snapped when he decided to follow me around slapping me and I turned and yelled at him. "We do not hit" I yelled his name previous to that statement and said that statement much quieter and on his level. He stuck his lip out welled up some tears and ran to me and hugged me. In that moment he shattered my heart. I felt like I had abused him or something. I felt like the shittiest dad ever. I never yell, but so far ive never really had cause to. So naturally I looked it up online and the current mood is raising your voice is akin to child abuse.Im lost, what do you all think? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2tFAlSh