Hey guys,I've been a long-time lurker on this community for a while with my other account, but this is my first post. I'm having a really tough time and I don't have anyone IRL I can talk to about this (for obvious reasons). So I'm reaching out hoping to hear from people who have been where I am now who might be able to offer some advice based on their own experiences.The BabyMy (31M) wife (29F) and I are about to hit the one-year mark of parenthood and we love our little guy. He's cute, happy, curious and always smiling. But he's a lot of work. The kid seems to have boundless energy and always needs to be interacting with new and different things. My younger brother and I have both been clinically diagnosed with ADHD, for which I'm taking medication. I'm convinced my son is going to be the same. He was never one of those babies that could just sit on a mat and play with one toy for an hour (slight exaggeration, but you get my point). If he doesn't get attention, he cries. So when he was younger that meant he was constantly in our arms being carried around and shown things around the house. It's still kind of like that but now he's almost walking so we're guiding him by the hands to run around and explore his home or wherever we end up. It's exhausting. On top of that, he will not sleep anywhere except in his crib with pitch black and a noisemaker. He doesn't sleep in the car, he doesn't sleep at his grandparents or in our arms (anymore). So we can never spend more than 2 hours away from home during the day. I have five other friends with babies at home and none of them have these problems.ParentingHer mother is a big worrier, always has been. My wife used to tease her mom about worrying so much about literally anything and everything that might happen. Now that she's a mom herself though, she's transformed into her mom in that regard. She wants to shelter our son from all the elements imaginable, while I want to expose him to the world so he can learn and grow (from my perspective). Example: she's terrified to give him baths because she's afraid he might drown. So I have to give him a bath every night, but if I take my hand off him for one second she yells at me about putting him in danger. I read that you're supposed to let kids play on their own or give them some distance, so when I'm watching him, sometimes I'll leave him in a safe play area and go do a chore or something, but if she catches me doing this, she yells at me for leaving him alone. These are differences in parenting styles, not bad behaviour. When I get yelled at, I yell back. It's my flaw, and I own that, but it's hard to change your patterns of behaviour at 30+...UsI'm a fairly independent person and my wife is/was too. We got together a few years ago because we have a lot of common interests and have the same preferences, habits. We're both extroverted introverts (love socializing with our friends, but find it incredibly draining, so we also value alone time). But as I've gotten older and as it's been harder to find time with friends, my social needs have increased while hers have decreased. Even before the baby was born, she was often happier to stay home at just relax on a Friday or Saturday night, while my need to go out and see friends has increased. Post-baby, that's only gotten far worse except now it's even harder to manage.On top of that, we've basically become like roommates. The bedroom is all but dead. She says she wants to have more sex, but by the time the kid's asleep, all our chores are done and the timing is right, one or both of us is exhausted and it just doesn't happen.We used to be romantic OFTEN but now we barely touch each other. Kisses often feel like work or duty almost and I have to initiate every single romantic or even physical interaction with her these days. If I never said: "I love you", gave her a hug, a kiss or any other physical contact you could imagine, I don't know that we'd ever do those things. A lot of that is on my shoulders. I can admit that. I'm a difficult person to live with (I can be needy/OCD sometimes and can't handle criticism) and we fight a lot these days, so she's probably not interested in cuddling nearly as much.Our biggest fights these days are about the smallest, dumbest things. We've both realized they happen most often when we're both home together. I was home over the holidays and we went on vacation recently. During both those times we would ARGUE like crazy over whose turn it was to hold the kid. What's crazy is I LIKE playing with my son, but I need breaks from time to time. From my perspective, I'll play with him for 30 minutes, hand him to my wife and sit down for a breather and she'll hand him back after 10 and I'll say: "really? 10 minutes? I just had him for 30!" and she'll yell at me about how her 10 was 20 or 30. It's getting to the point where I need to keep a timer going to know exactly how long each of us is watching him. I know, it's insane. We should both be happy to enjoy our baby, knowing he won't be a baby forever and working together as a team... But we're not.I'm at my wit's end. I know couples counselling could help, it's just so hard to plan and organize with the baby at home (scheduling in advance, hiring a babysitter, the expense of counselling + babysitting = fewer date nights). But I know that's not an excuse, we need to make those sacrifices and try to fix this if we want to make it work.I just... don't know if I want to or not. After our big fights I walk away thinking: "That's it. I'm done. I'm ending this relationship." Then I think about my son and I can't imagine doing that to him. I don't want him to lose his happy home before he's even a year old. But then I think about my parents, or my wife's parents. Both couples hated each other by the time their kids were grown up and should have gotten divorced years earlier.I don't even know what to do at this point. My wife would never leave me. A day after a big fight she sweeps it under the rug and acts like it didn't happen, but once in a while we have a long talk about how we're struggling and things seem to get better for a few days, then get worse.My questions for you guysWhat do you think? Anyone else been there? How did it go for you? I never read that book "too bad to stay, too good to leave", but it feels like that might describe my relationship. My son often feels like the only thing keeping me in it.Thank you in advance for any thoughts, insight, constructive feedback, criticism. I'm wide open here.TL;DR - Father of 10-month old. Wife and I used to be a great couple, but since parenthood came along it's all gone downhill. I don't know how to fix my marriage or whether I should just walk away now before it gets worse. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2DM1c2L
