Sunday, 23 February 2020

Parents, I need advice. Am I the asshole for telling another parent not to comfort my daughter?


My daughter made a friend last year. They immediately starting spending a lot of time together. The friend doesn't like going to other people's houses so the only way they could hang out is if my daughter went to their house. It seemed okay at first. But I started to get red flags that made me slightly concerned.The first red flag was the mom started off loading really personal information to me over text messages. Stuff about her childhood, stuff about her mental health, stuff about addiction problems. This was within the first month or so of our daughters hanging out.Then within the next few months I kept trying to have play dates at both houses but her daughter didn't want to. I kinda understood this so I kept letting my daughter go over their house. Then the trips and gifts started and that was the next red flag. Just a few of the places and events she treated my daughter to within the first few months of meeting her: a few trips to the movies with popcorn, snacks, soda, and a toy from the Dollar general next door. A trip to Disney on ice with souvineers as a gift. A trip to a parade. A trip to the carnival with a big bear as a prize. A trip to Lazer tag. I could go on.The mom is getting closer with my daughter so I keep making plans to hang out with her. I keep trying to become friends since she is with my kid so much but she keeps blowing me off. She will either cancel the day before or just not text me. Now, she is very very extroverted. Very friendly, super outgoing to everyone. But can't keep a date to hang out.The next red flag is when my husband tells me he is meeting up with her to talk about his business because apparently she wants to get into his business. She spends well over an hour out to coffee with my husband.My daughter loves her. She jumps all over her, sits in her lap, goes to her for support and comfort. She is even messaging my daughter on kids messenger through her daughter's account. This was the next red flag.The next red flag was finding out that most of the time she wasn't even there. My daughter was alone with her husband this whole time. The man who refuses to make eye contact with me and won't do more than wave from his car when he drops my daughter off.The final straw was when my daughter spent the afternoon over there and came home to tell me it was just her, her friend and her friends dad. And they were playing cops and robbers together.Okay, call me whatever the fuck you want but I am not comfortable with a grown ass man who refuses to make eye contact with me, alone in his house with my daughter playing a game that requires touching.My husband and I are on the same page that this relationship is too much. My daughter has an event today where the mom is volunteering. I make it very well known that I will be picking my daughter up afterwards. I say this because it's gotten to the point where that mom is bringing my daughter to and from many events and it was making me uncomfortable. So I get a text saying that my daughter is crying and feels sick but it's okay because that mom "has her' and is brushing her hair and she's with her so it's okay.This is where shit hits the fan. I tell her that's not necessary. She says she doesn't mind. I say no, I don't want you comforting my daughter. My husband will be there shortly. She asks if she crossed a line, I just tell her that I don't know her that well. I tell her that I have a firm boundary on adults being friends with my children and that I need to know her better before she is any closer to my daughter. Needless to say she is blindsided and not happy.So Reddit, am I the asshole? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/38V3vQr

No comments:

Post a Comment