Feel like a fake and so not good enough

Hate writing this as it sounds like self-pity and to a certain extent it is which just shows how horrible and selfish mother i really am. Its like a never ending circle.My baby girl is 4 months old. She is perfect! However, i only take care of her when my husband is at work. I feel like as soon as my husband gets home, he takes over care and i make dinner....i feed and walk all the animals ..i clean, i do laundry etc. sometimes ill take a bath or sometimes i just sit in the same room on my ass watching tv but its as if ive tuned out of being a mother.Ive realised, Im actively avoiding taking care of her. I feel so awkward with her beyond our wee routine like its just safer for her with someone else that knows her better. Im in tears writing this because i sleep in the spare room while my husband sleeps in our room with her every night. Literally no mother does this i know.It started from about she was 12 weeks because i had severe back pain so i moved into the softer bed....but now im feeling better i havent moved back. I still leave the door open so i can hear her breathing too and she has a monitor with my husband in the same room, but I know im avoiding her. I feel so useless. I think i get so overwhelmed with being the decision maker and responsible for her that i try to hide and physically take myself away from that feeling. I feel like she doesn't even know im her mother and im not good enough to even be her mother. She smiles and coos and laughs with me....but i could be anyone to her. Im just this person who takes care of her sometimes. We have fun during the day and i play with her, sing and play ukelele with her and we chat and giggle etc. But as soon as he is home, I busy myself away to cook etc. or mentally vanish but sit in the same room....i dont ignore her, i still smile and chat to her but when it comes to changing and bottles and entertainment he does it all, i will just change her the odd time.I have literally never heard of anyone elses husband who would do this. Its usually they cant get them to help at all. But what sort of a mother can actively switch off from mummy brain. I dont know whats wrong with me and every day i say ill change and i still hide as soon as he comes home. She is the happiest loveliest baby and she deserves so much better. Ive started to take her to a baby class too which she loves which makes me feel a bit better but i just feel like im going through the motions and im not any good.Im so sick of feeling this way i dont know why i watch the clock each day. Sometimes also, i feel like i can enjoy her more when he is home because the weight of responsibility doesnt feel so heavy. Like i can't mess anything up when he is there to take care of her.How do i stop this i feel like i can't. By the time he gets home i feel like I've reached my limit. When i know real mothers do it all, 24/7. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/3a27on5