Teenage Exhaustion

Sorry for this being so long, I just have to get this off my chest.I’m 22 and have full custody of my little sister who is 15. I’ve had custody of her since she was 13, been keeping her since she was 12. We grew up states apart due to being separated in foster care (I went with my great aunt, she went with her father). She doesn’t remember foster care but she did have a rough upbringing of neglect until I got her. She had no rules from age 3-12 (with her father) and was roaming the streets at 12am on school nights. By the time I was able to move to the same state at 18, she was antisocial from the neglect but also going deep into the unfiltered internet seeking negative attention.I had a rough childhood from the start. I was in and out of the school counselors office since I was 5. When I got adopted by my aunt I thought it would all be better (foster care was awful but could have been worse) and my aunt wasn’t better, she was worse. I went through physical and mental abuse for my 8 years with her and I moved out as soon as I could. A lot of things of course happened in between but I’m not going to go into it.When I got custody of my sister, which was my lifelong dream since we had been in foster care (for real, I talked about it in 4th grade) I thought it would be great. I thought I could take her out of a bad situation and make sure as she got older nothing worse than the neglect could happen to her like it did me. But she hates me for all the rules and it really tears me down. She goes as far as telling me I’m making her suicidal for taking away her phone after I caught her repeatedly sexting and shit talking me. And whenever we fight, it’s a constant you make me want to kill myself. I know I’m literally her most hated person and I’ve come to try to accept it now having her a few years but it’s so hard to go forward in our relationship. She doesn’t trust me, I’ve tried putting her in therapy but she won’t talk (she is not forced to go to therapy, she asked me to and I’ve always made it readily available). The suicide stuff kills me inside because I’ve been suicidal since foster care and with how other people made me feel in my life, I would never want to make her feel that way.It’s hard trying to parent at 22 but I try my best. I have one family members complete support but I feel like the others work against me. When things get really hard, I have people telling me “that’s why We told you not to move back to my hometown. It’s all your fault that it’s like this” I don’t go out and don’t let anyone around her that I think would be a bad impression, especially since she is so easily impressionable. I actively try to communicate with her teachers and try to have her get Cs or above but she struggles with that. I’ve tried talking to her therapist about what to do and everyone is telling me I have to wait it out, she is just being a teen. But I’m afraid I’m making our relationship by just parenting into something she views she could never forgive me for. I resent my aunt but I have ample reasoning to, even though I still call her to make sure she is okay and visit her throughout the year, she did raise me after all . But I remember how she made me feel and I would never want my little sister to feel that way and she says things exactly the way I felt when I was being abused. She knows my background and uses things that happened to me against me but I still can’t shake off her possibly feeling the way I felt, even though I’m not abusing her at all, I try to give her as much space as you can give a troubled teen, a create safe spaces for her to talk even though she won’t. She has even said she purposely works against me sometimes and she doesn’t know why but won’t talk about it in therapy.She is very manipulative and I know this and try to keep it in mind but it doesn’t help me feel any better about our situation. I just want her to be safe and grow up with a better life than the cards we have been dealt (I’ve told her this). Does anyone have any advice on how to truck through these next 3 years? I’m not the best parent, I know this. But I’m the only person that was willing to step up and I think she also hates that. She views nothing wrong with her life before and won’t face that not having food in the house for days wasn’t good. She always just says “well that was my reality and it was okay because I was happy” I’m just trying my best but I feel like it’s never good enough... via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/37DEeJt