Helping my children through their grief while dealing with mine

My mother passed away on the 20th of December from cancer, she was diagnosed only two weeks before so it was unexpected. I feel like the dust has settled around us and I am not able to pretend everything is okay anymore. my husband and I were able to distract the kids, we spent Christmas with his family abroad so after the funeral it didn’t really give them time to think about the loss. It helped me too but i know it’s not healthy to avoid my pain and theirs.Today was the first weekend without her and it hit us all like a big and unapologetic wave of sorrow and pain. Mom was a vital part of my children’s lives, a constant, a figure they could trust and now she is gone and all I can do is hold them while they cry. I feel that I can’t be a mother to them right now and I’m also starting to feel like my pain should take preference as it was MY mother that I lost,I don’t want to make this about me because I know they are hurting deeply too. My kids are 9, 7 3 and 1. It also kills me that my 1 year old won’t remember her which adds another layer to my pain and my 3 year old doesn’t fully understand she is forever gone and having her asking me about her every hour isn’t helpful either. I’m lost. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2sT6r0n