I don’t want this anymore

I had a kid when I wasn’t ready. I was raped & young & my parents said if I had an abortion I wouldn’t have a place to live anymore. My mom has always been toxic, I just didn’t know until recently. I was forced into having a baby I couldn’t handle having. I’m forced to raise him for the rest of my life and I have no other option. He’s two now & I refuse to be a mom who gives up on her child, but he acts like his “dad” more and more. He’s aggressive, he smacks me. And I don’t want to be a mom anymore. I never did. I love him but I’m going insane and I can’t do anything about it. I just have to accept that this is my life and i might be in a bad place because of it, but I have to do it. This is all I have for the rest of my life. And I don’t know what to do about that. I’ve been more depressed then ever before. Maybe I’m a bad mom for thinking this, and I know it’s not his fault. He didn’t ask to be born, either. And I love him. But I don’t know what to do anymore. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2H1QskP