Hi, /r/parenting!Recently I have been introduced to a young child, who I am having trouble deciding how to relate to.He is a 9 year old boy, severely obese, and with a host of what I perceive to be anti social behavior and deviant behavior. I suspect some of this might be due to psychological issues.The kid isn't just a random kid. It happens to be the kid of my wife of three years. We live in a different country, so I haven't been able to see this behavior before. This makes the situation a bit frustrating in many ways.ObesityAccording to CDC numbers for childhood obesity, his weight is around 50% higher than the threshold for obesity. During the weeks I have spent with the boy, he was at any given time more likely than not to be eating. Pastries, chips, sodas, etc. He categorically refuses to eat vegetables. Parents and other adults enable him by encouraging him to eat, and get seconds. To give a specific and representative example, a detour was made to a supermarket to make sure he had unhealthy snacks because we would be traveling for slightly more than an hour before eating again. He regularly sings made up songs about food.Anti-social behaviourDoes not play nice. Refuses to pass turns to peers when playing computer games, and when possible tries to reduce peers enjoyment of games by sabotaging. He literally trampled a friend's sand castle at the beach at one point. He is not, however, verbally abusive.He has a dog, who he refuses to walk, or otherwise tend to. Instead the dog is chained up, living in its own poop. I took the dog to the vet to have him groomed, and they discovered severe amounts of ticks and infections due to poor treatment. (This is in my view a much harsher indictment of the adults around him, than him, but in some part also him.) What triggered me to write this post at all was that I just now caught him screaming at, and manhandling the dog, because it was rolling around happily, instead of following his orders.He pours out his food and drink randomly, presumably to gain attention. Again, the adults may very, very meekly say "don't do that", but never in a strict way whatsoever.He screams, sings stream-of-consciousness songs, babbles, and talks loudly - constantly. He regularly puts on loud music or videos in settings where others people are trying to talk or pay attention to something else.Three out of four times anyone tells him or instructs him about anything, he doesn't even react whatsoever - not even by body language. Either through stubbornness, or an actual complete lack of awareness and ability to pay attention. I believe this is the mechanism that has caused adults to give up correcting him.Deviant behaviorI have suspicious about autism. He often makes long and strange repetitive motions, gyrating his hands, feet or elbows, or rocks back and forwards. Whenever he speaks to someone, he loudly and repeatedly says their name until they answer him - even if you're the only ones in a silent room, and you were just speaking to him. If anyone has seen Archer, it's exactly how Archer treats Lana.My questionsWhat role can I, as a step dad at a distance, play here? Should I exclusively pressure family to step up in their parenting role, or should I also personally do what I think is good parenting, and attempt to correct these issues in a constructive and loving matter? Should I do neither?Is his behavior in general within the broad norm of a 9-year-old? Is he simply a spoiled brat? Does anyone else suspect psychological issues, given my take on his behavior?Any other advice, or prompts about further details, would be greatly appreciated. I have very little experience with kids, and none at all with parenting, so I am very conflicted and unsure about how to deal with this.(The rules says only parents should post. I believe I'm within the rules, though, as I'm asking about problems regarding me becoming a step parent.) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2qzYOGN
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