Authoritarian grandmother issues

My MIL thinks we're too easy on our daughter (7yo) and makes it very clear by creating strict rules in her house. Now for the most part, I'm fine with her having stricter rules at her house than at ours. That's her prerogative.However, there are certain rules that I feel encroach on our overall parenting and I also feel like her approach to these rules is unnecessarily unkind.The biggest point of contention for me is that she tries to have a Clean Plate rule. My husband and I are adamantly opposed to this for most kids, but our daughter in particular. Our daughter is a good eater, not picky at all, but her appetite can vacillate from meal to meal. Sometimes she eats a little, sometimes a lot, and there's no real consistency. Our pediatrician said this is normal and that we should expect her to finish about 40-60% of her meal on average, without it being a concern. However, my MIL believes meals should be finished 100% every time and anything else is "insubordination." She also insists on plating for our daughter, and she always gives her nearly an adult sized plate. My husband has gotten her to sort of accept that our daughter won't always finish the whole plate, but she guilts her the whole time ("Won't you please take another bite? Your grandmother worked so hard to make this just for you! It would make your grandmother cry boo-hoo if you don't finish!") and still sometimes snaps, saying things like, "In my house, children eat what they are given." (She reeeeallllyyy leans into the whole 'My house, my rules' thing ever since the one time I told her that at my place...)Similarly, she has rules about what my daughter can wear and how she can present herself at her house. She insists on no jeans, no shorts, and that dresses be below the knee. One time my daughter asked why she couldn't wear shorts when her boy cousin could, and my MIL said, "I do not have to explain why to you. You are the child and you must respect what I tell you is the rule. Never ask me why again." This is in direct response to my husband and I often having conversations with our kids about why we are doing what we're doing for them, even if the rule isn't negotiable. She thinks that's ridiculous and soft.There are a lot of examples like this. Overall, I don't doubt that she loves our daughter and my ultimate goal is to find peace. But she's so diametrically opposed to my parenting (and my husband's, though he downplays our style in front of her because he says she'll "never understand" so I become the bad guy). My daughter is getting increasingly upset to be at her grandmother's when she feels like things are harder there and if she sniffs out unfairness. And I'm frankly getting increasingly fed up with how she treats my daughter.My husband says that it is how he was raised and that it's cultural, so it won't change. So when I said that I would prefer her to come visit at our house then, my husband said MIL wouldn't be comfortable with that and we all just need to suck it up, essentially. Wondering how others would approach this and if I'm being reasonable? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2qiwiti