I got so many supportive and informative messages from redditors in this sub, thought I should update my situation.When I wrote my last post I was deeply distressed as I was missing my kids on the days I didn't see them (Monday to Thursday) and my wife wasn't allowing or facilitating contact with them.At that point in time I hit my low point. I reached out to one cousin and another cousin's wife. The latter had spent some time socializing with my wife in the past. My wife looked up to her, (I'll call her Sally) mostly because she has a blessed life, as her husband (my cousin) is a wealthy surgeon and so there is no need to work. Sally spends her days at the gym or eating at the cities best restaurants.Anyway I poured myself to Sally telling her how I was so sad and depressed when I couldn't even say hi to the kids. Sally said she would talk to my wife about it. A couple days later my wife agreed that she would allow the kids to talk to me (accepting my incoming calls).Around the same time I bought a used Nexus phone and a new battery for it. I bought a wireless charging base and set the phone up with some IM and video calling apps.Today I will call the kids everyday via video messaging and they seem to enjoy it. My littlest one seems to miss me a little more and is more keen to talk to me. My eldest is happy to talk to me but just wants to get off after a couple minutes to play or watch TV. I think that is a healthy thing. It's great just to say hi for a minute and if my eldest son wants to go I just tell him that is fine and I'll just talk to his younger brother for a bit and I ask him to pass the phone to him.I also talked to my wife about the advice from her counselor (that we should not disturb each other) and told her no one I talked to said it was necessary, as I said in my earlier post there was no abuse, risk factors or anything that required us to compartmentalize the situation in this way. I also reiterated I was happy with a couple minutes a day.Now my wife also calls us on the weekends when the kids are with me. That leads to another change, I now pick the kids up at Friday from daycare and drop them off on Monday back to daycare. I was told that doing pick ups and drop offs to daycare would be easier and it makes sense.,In this way I have the kids for the entire weekend, and their mother has the entire weekend (including most of Friday and Monday morning) to go out, drink, recover or sleep or whatever.Weekends are tiring, and living at my parents is not ideal but I think its more important to the kids in the long run to have a solid amount of time with me then it is for me (although emotionally I feel like I need them more at the moment).I have found a little bit of peace I guess. I've been listening to a bunch of podcasts recently from Joe Rogan, Russell Brand and various Tedex pieces about relationships, mental peace and dealing with ones emotions etc. The key things I'm working on atm are my mental and physical health and making connections and finding new communities.I've joined a running club and in the last week have done two 5km run sessions. I am pretty unfit at the moment but am trying to improve that.I found a counselor and have been talking to a good friend a lot on line (he has recently gone through a messy breakup with a partner who has really acute personality issues, similar to but much worse than my wife).At this stage I feel a little talked out, I am slowly moving forward and I feel like I am finally building myself up. I feel like I can't be bothered explaining everything and I just want to move forward, I think that is good that I am moving on a little. I still plan to see my counselor for the time being.I still feel lonely and when I wake and sleep I still whisper a good morning or good night to my sons. But I'm much more settled than previously.My wife and I don't really talk as I have to keep myself from verbally attacking her so I simply don't say anything, so for me there is still a lot of baggage about how our relationship failed and some of her behaviour. Recently I made another request to attend couples counselling which she rejected.This last Monday morning when I dropped off the family car after I had sent the kids to daycare (we have only one family car as I have a motorbike for commuting) I broke down a little in front of my wife as I was preparing to leave, I told her I missed the kids so much and her only response was "well its all your fault". This really crystallized just how wrong my wife's personality is and how little I could do to save the relationship.In other aspects of my life I am struggling a bit, especially with work, but hopefully I will find a way to feel passionate about my work, otherwise I will just have to wait to strike it rich with the lottery.That's all for this update and I really appreciate this subs support and constructive advice. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EG1I6V
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