I need help with how to handle a social event being hosted by an old friend of mine who doesn't like my parenting style.

A friend of mine whom I've known for 20 years moved to another country 4 years ago as an expat. She has 3 kids, 11, 8 and 5. I have 2 boys, now 4 1/2, and 3 1/2.Every July, she's in town and hosts a get together of roughly 6-10 of her friends and their families at her lake house.Last year, I brought my 2 boys alone (my husband has no interest in socializing, is an extreme introvert). At the time they were 18 months and 3.5 years old. My 3.5 year old is impulsive and jumped into the lake (wearing a life vest). His head submerged only a second, but he was coughing and sputtering water. Then, he couldn't float properly in it... he kept turning so that he was face down into the water. Basically, I had to stay near both children the whole time and it was no fun for me because I could not visit with anyone due to having to babysit my children the entire time.My friend that was hosting (still regarding last year), kept berating me. Told me, "just relax, he's fine. He has a vest on....", and "you can't be so over protective of your oldest. let him figure it out on his own.". Then, the older kids wanted to venture off into the wooded area beyond the lake and my 3.5 wanted to go and I told him "Only if I am with you.". Again, more berating about "just relax, you're being too hard on him. My son will watch him". Her son was only 10 with no babysitting experience so I was unconfortable but relented and tried doing as she suggested. But, soon my son wandered off and was right by the water alone. I told him to come on back and stay with Mommy. He came back but did not seem overly upset or bothered by it, but I received more berating from my friend.This year she just came back and I saw her a few days ago at a wedding and she asked if I was coming to her shin dig in a few weeks and i said, "sure, I plan to". She asked if i was bringing the kids, I said, "no", and she threw up her arms and rolled her eyes somewhat much to my annoyance. I'd hate to give up on the friendship altogether because there are other friends that are going whom I want to see. My plan is to go alone for a few hours, visit and have fun. I may need some verbal defense suggestions if she asks again why I didn't bring my kids. I know she's going to because she's the type of person who holds nothing back and will say what's on her mind. I may end up getting overly defensive.tl;dr: how to explain why you are an "overprotective" parent to a not overprotective parent briefly without sounding too defensive and to get them off your back about your parenting style. BTW, my son CAN be impulsive so I have good reason to be nervous in situations like this. Also, can't take him to overly crowded places because he sometimes will take off on me. Maybe I should tell her that, but I don't want to open up a parenting debate. :/ via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2urscCr