Thanks r/parenting

I’ve been browsing these threads often to see how others deal with similar issues that come up with my son (5). A huge struggle of mine has been getting him to start falling asleep on his own. I’ve slowly moved him from my bed to his. We read, do his meditations, and I am usually there until he falls asleep. This obviously is not ideal when he doesn’t fall asleep in less than an hour.I want to get him used to falling asleep without me next to him because I’m deploying this November. I want to do everything I can to make his transition to staying with dad full time while I’m gone easier.I was reading through the threads and read about a technique others have had success with. Basically I do his usual routine, and then tell him I’ll check on him every minute until he’s asleep. We did it for the first time tonight. It took about 20 mins, and a few emotions on his part but it WORKED!He’s passed out in his bed now. He usually wakes up mid night and gets in my bed which is totally fine :) but I am so happy he fell asleep on his own tonight. I love this sub, it helps me so much. Thanks fellow parents 💕💕💕 via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NuKFWx

How can I coparent when my ex is a gaslighter?

I get pretty irritated about this when my ex and I talk about my daughter. The last thing I will use as an example.So we each get her one week on, one week off. So 50/50. It's been that way since we were together. We split up a little over a year ago and our daughter is 19 months.She has been messaging me since the beginning every time she does something new saying "oh I taught her how to do (insert new thing she does here).". It's been honestly every single thing she's ever done new because I don't really feel like participating in some contest trying to beat her to it every time saying that I taught her something. But I know that a few things she has said, that I have most certainly taught her. But I never say anything, it's not worth it with her. If I told her that I did teach her something, her response would be "oh well lol I've already been doing that with her for a couple months but good job keeping up with her learning lol". And if I say "no, actually I taught her that, not you." Well it's just really not worth it to 'go there'.So today I did. I tried to be nice saying look, she's 19 months old. I've taught her some of the things she does and I know that I did because I've been trying for a year or more and I don't want you to think that you're teaching her everything and I'm teaching her nothing because every thing that she even does yet, you have said that you taught her"(I didn't tell her this but she's definitely telling every single person she knows this and probably posting it all over Facebook too, but I don't know because I made a different Facebook so I didn't have to be her friend and see her aggressive or passive aggressive posts and memes or whatever. I don't really use Facebook these days anyways.The way she deals with this is the same way she deals with every conversation she's having when she's being manipulative/passive aggressive. She says something along the lines of "oh I know you try to teach her things and work with her lol(says "lol") I mean but when we were together you didn't take care of her as much as I did(insults/justifies) so I'm sorry("apologigizes") maybe I should have more faith in you(throws the person some bait to make up for the insult) these days."I tell her that I'm sorry but I really shouldn't have said anything and I don't want to really talk about this because we both know the spiral it's going to go into.So naturally, "lol why are you being short about it, I'm just saying that of course we can both take credit(mentions my point to make it sound like she "understands") , but these things that we are talking about(I did name a couple examples of things I've had a habit of doing with her since she was a baby so I know that she picked up on it from me... But should I even care? This is where I need your guy's advice) , I did them for a very long time before you ever mentioned them to me(reiterates her point that she has taught her everything. And her proof is I haven't mentioned what I've taught her. But I haven't mentioned it because it is a game to my ex. I went over how this goes down in the first paragraph) so I know I showed her but you don't have to get defensive we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to(she's considering it.. but only if I really really want to not 'communicate' and 'coparent')Anyways. How do I deal with a person like this? I tried to break it down the best I can but this is not the only situation where she does this. This is essentially the epitome of who she is and how she works. She has this pattern of trying to turn people against me (very often people who just know me better and know that she's not worth taking seriously.) where she mentions what I do wrong(it's my fault). That it's both of our fault(now it's both of our fault). But it's actually more my fault because she does everything and I do nothing(no actually it's all his fault and not my fault). But she has to give me credit because I do sometimes do things(you know just to make my point more convincing I have to say that he does SOME things. Saying he does nothing isn't convincable). Anyways she's sorry for talking about it, she just needed to vent. She doesn't understand why she even should care because things won't change.Whatever you all get the picture. She is a gaslighter. She is a manipulator. She is an alcoholic. She is a serial cheater(and I don't say that lightly. She's had 5 guys break up with her in the year we've been broken up and I don't even want to know how many guys she's been intimate with because all boyfriend's have been lost from cheating where she cheated on me 5-15 times. But that's a whole other story I don't want to go into this it's not what the thread is about, but just to give you an idea of the type of character I am dealing with here.).There has to be people who have advice on being the father of a child who's mother(or vise versa) is an extremely manipulative gaslighter. Please tell me how you've dealt with it. Especially if your child is older now. I get so frustrated over this. Not to mention how she will inevitably use this same tactic on my daughter her whole life to try and have her favor her instead of me. She really is the kind of person who's going to do this and I'm just so concerned with what to do. I feel so bad for my daughter.I'm trying to get custody and it's up in the air. It's tough. So I have no idea what's going to end up happening with that until she gets another DUI or something. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2SwA0eM

Kids and finances

Hey everyone, I would like to get perspectives on the way we raise our children with regards to income. I grew up very low income and was very happy with what we had (even though it was very little). It tough me about responsibility, finances, hard work, and never really glorified material goods. Fast forward 20 years and I find myself (financially) well beyond I would've ever imagined. I have trouble deciding whether or not I should let my children know that we are in fact well off, or simply "hide" it so that they grow up the way I did? I would like them to appreciate the things that I do provide for them, all while not spoiling them. I appreciate any and all responses on how some of you may have approached this. Thanks! :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Ub9f15

8 year old with Anxiety

8 yr old sister is smart, she’s a talented dancer, she’s funny and healthy. However, she gets so anxious sometimes that I can see a panic attack coming on. She had an issue with a teacher in December and it finally happened. Full blown panic attack, she couldn’t breathe or get outside of her head. She was screaming that she couldn’t hear my mom talking to her and screaming that she couldn’t breathe. My mom physically had to push her chest to get to breathe steady and hug her head right up to her mouth so she could focus on her voice. She’s now being evaluated for add and anxiety But my question is how do you help an anxious child? I (f22) take care of her Mon-Friday 7am-7pm so I’m her main care giver I suppose you’d call it? I just need advice on what to do next . via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Vp62LQ

What to do when your middle-school child suffers from mental illness? I feel like he will never be a functioning adult.

He is in 8th grade and this week we are scheduling his classes for next year when is a freshman. At first he agreed to take a few advanced classes (not AP, just the advanced classes). Yesterday he told his mom he didn’t want to take them as he believes he isn’t smart enough, but he is worried I will be disappointed in him. This is just one instance in a cycle of behavior and thought patterns that have been going on since he was a toddler. I feel like I am failing as a parent and my child will never be a functioning person.He has depression and anxiety and takes medication twice a day so he can function. He has no self-worth, at all. I am being 100 % earnest when I say that he really hates himself. He has no talents, hobbies, skills or passions. He cannot accept that you can improve by working at something. He gives up on everything the minute the slightest difficulty or inconvenience arises. He refuses to be involved in any clubs or organizations--if you try to force him, he just won’t (really can’t) do it. He punches himself in the face, very hard, to punish himself when he makes even the slightest mistake. He claws at his hands until his knuckles are full of open sores. Doing homework is a nightmare, our kitchen table looks like no-man’s land with all the dents from him pounding on it in frustration. He thinks everyone hates him and wishes he wasn’t around. If you tell him you love him, he calls you a liar. He thinks any suggestion or correction is someone telling him he is stupid. Every year since kindergarten we have been called to pick him out because he got in trouble at school (he was expelled from his first school for having his breakdowns). On and on and on.I just don’t know if he can ever function as an adult. All the other people we know who have kids his age are talking about all the amazing things their children do. Ours, our only child, is like a trainwreck of anxiety and depression.Has anyone else dealt with this? We try to be supportive and helpful in every way but he just is so riddled with his demons he cant seem to function. We have him in therapy but it doesn’t seem to help much. We don’t know if he will have a future. I am worried that he will eventually just kill himself so “he wont be a bother to us anymore.” I love him but I feel like I am mourning at the person he could have been. I am increasingly jealous of other parents who have children who can navigate life without breakdowns. I dont feel he has a future, unfortunately.Does it ever get better? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GN0Wpc

spirit days? more like spirit hell....

Got a note in my daughters school bag yesterday.... "Book Character day"....dress up as your favorite book character this Friday. Great, so I got THREE days to figure out what/how to dress my daughter as a book character. I just started a new job last friday, i'm a single mom, i've barley have had time to sleep / clean my house/ do any chores lately, and now THIS??Usually I LOVE dressing my daughter up for spirit days, but idk if i'm going to have time to throw something together this time....but if i don't, i'm going to feel like total shit. ugh. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2SYBWlo

Extra curricular activities for a kid with an imagination

My 6yo has the biggest imagination. He'll make up stories to play imaginary games to. We have Story Blocks and he makes up the best stories with them.He's energetic, but he's not really interested in physical sports or playing organised board games (unless they involve making things up, like In A Pickle).Can anybody think of any group activities we can enroll him in with other kids?I thought about a kids acting class, but he's not very good with taking instruction from others in play... He'll listen to grown ups and do what he's told, but he wants to improvise and do his own thing and I'm not sure how he'll do with having to stick to a script. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2EkIUHc