Behavioral struggles with our 4.5 year old

Our youngest of two children will be 5 years old this summer, and is very definitely a spirited child.He is a high-energy sweetheart a great deal of the time. Very socially outgoing, very chatty, super curious about all manner of things. He's in kindergarten/pre-k, and does very well there, and has no issues according to the staff.But the evenings, and sometimes the mornings, are absolute hell in our house. I know bedtime is often a combat zone, but we are really struggling with how to weather the storm, and to be good and effective parents.He seems to spiral. He rarely just gives us a straight up "no", instead he hems and haws and fiddles around and only eventually after we've given lots of "extra time" and repeatedly asked - for tooth brushing, or heading to bed, or in the morning just to bring his cereal bowl to the kitchen - it ends up as a lying-on-the-floor, crying tantrum.I'm aware that this is not unusual, but the problem we have is that he becomes literally inconsolable. We were spoiled to his older sister, at this age would fight about things but we could eventually reach a compromise. Not so with my son, who I believe would let the house burn down around him sooner than agree to anything that we've asked, at that point.We've tried literally everything that I can think of. Carrot and stick. Removal of privileges, offers of privileges, pleading, bargaining, threatening, distraction, time outs, parental time outs, even spanking, which I'm not proud of, and is completely ineffective.My spouse is at her wit's end. Our daughter is traumatized by the screaming fits. I'm at my wit's end. And he seems Jekyll and Hyde about it. Sweet as a peach one moment, and a screaming dervish the next, and then back to sweet -- and asking for a treat or privilege as though we'd not spent the last 30 minutes fighting about buckling into the car-seat.My spouse has been reluctant to discuss behavioral issues with our pediatrician, and seems very much against the idea that this is anything other than normal behavior -- though by the end of the night she's in tears over the struggles.We've got a couple of books about spirited children, but nothing we've read or tried has helped us. I'm working on getting an appointment with the pediatrician to discuss, but I wanted to get some feedback from other parents.The constant fighting with him has reached a point that I dread evenings, because I know that we're in for an hour or two of constant screaming tantrum.It is really difficult to get him to nap, so he only gets an afternoon nap some of the time. We have a pretty consistent bedtime. His diet is okay. He's proven that he'd rather tantrum to the point of throw up than to eat anything other than chicken nuggets and tater tots.Suggestions welcome, but mostly I'm hoping to hear either that this is just the way some kids are and that maybe he'll grow out of it, or that the behavior is abnormal and we need help/therapy/medication/etc.Thanks! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ppvRwk

Early puberty/ THE TALK

My daughter will be 8 next week and she began her curiosity about her body and others a few months back, her father and I aren't together so I told him that she was getting curious and I was going to discuss masturbation and appropriate/ inappropriate touches are from others. And her father is mad that I've had this portion of the talk with her, he thinks I'm going to mess her up and shes gonna start having sex before she's 13. And I need to show him that what I'm doing is beneficial for her because telling her that what she's doing is disgusting and inappropriate is going to cause worse problems. Please send me links! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oF5WUa

Toddler (34 months) discipline for required activities

I think I have discipline down pretty well for things that my son shouldn't be doing. For instance if he is not treating his ukulele gently it goes away until later. Or if he makes a mess I have him help me clean it up. I use natural consequences whenever I can.However I am struggling with discipline for things that he is required to do, like brushing teeth. Usually he is good with brushing his teeth. But sometimes he doesn't want to (or let me do it for him either). My approach thus far has been to not let him do anything else or go anywhere else until the required activity is complete. I stay very calm while he tantrums for 5-30 minutes. This approach "works" but it doesn't feel good. Afterwards I try to reconnect with him usually by reading a book while snuggling together.Any other tips? Thanks! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2qeDh5v

Finally ready to transition my toddler from the bottle; looking for advice

My 18 mo old still takes a bottle 4 times a day. Here is his schedule:7am wake7:30 bottle9am breakfast11am bottle12/12:30pm lunch1-3 nap4pm bottle5:30 dinner6:45 bottle7pm bedI'm aware that him still taking a bottle at this age is less than ideal. But he has be underweight since he was 10 days old and he JUST made it on the weight charts (1th percentile, baby!) at his 18mo apt. His head and length have been consistently in the 50th percentile...hes just a string bean. His pediatrician said it was fine to continue the bottle until he was 2, in the interest of weight gain.I want him to continue drinking as much milk as he usually does...but I think we are ready to ditch the nipples. How the hell do I go about it? I am feeling a little lost since we have had the same routine forever.Any help is appreciated :-) Thanks in advance! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2pbDBDA

Strategies to help a 2 year old be more attached to his mom?

I'm sorry I know my title is awful, I don't know how to phrase it. He used to prefer me, as any kid grows to like a parent. But it's getting more so everyday, and while I appreciate the love, I worry about how it makes his mom feel. I did a quick search and it seems the children building a strong preference towards a particular parents can be caused by a few things. But in lieu of being able to change those things. What are some things I could try to make him treat her more like me? There is a behavior side to this as well, where he not only doesn't listen to her but will be downright resistant to her. The behavior thing may just be because he's that age. But I think him shrugging off his mom repeatedly is beginning to hurt her feelings.I know it's not something I should worry this much about...but she was a single mom for almost a year before I met her and with the amount of love and care she has given him, I feel awful when he shuns her for me. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oSUn7S

UPDATE: Should I tell my colleague about what I observed regarding his son?

Original post here: http://ift.tt/2pnUfyw the end, I was given a coward's way out, and I took it (because I am a coward, goddammit!).My very good friend is a close colleague of Matthew's father. While he and I work at the same large organisation, she and him work directly within the same department. I was lamenting to her about my predicament, and she offered to talk to Matthew's father directly. She has the benefit of knowing him well, but is made of much stronger moral fiber than me.She texted me this morning to let me know she'd mentioned in an e-mail to him that I'd seen his son at the pool and was worried that he was being overlooked by his teachers.He told her that he was aware that Matthew would not be participating in the pool that day. This was due to a logistical issue specific to his disability. He will be able to participate in all subsequent water activities they have planned, as he (Matthew's father) will be attending his classes in-person to assist with the logistics. I think it's a pity that the kid's dad literally has to show up just to make this work (we are lucky to have flexible hours!), but such is life. I would hope that a disabled student who's parents couldn't show up in-person would still be afforded accommodations, but that's another fight for another day.However Matthew's father also stressed to my friend that he was thankful to me for being worried about his kid. He said it was a silver lining to his son's hypervisibility (being in a wheelchair), because he finds that people are quick to want to help out with his son, and are always watching out for him. He said that without his own intervention at the school, Matthew's learning opportunities are often overlooked.So to all of you who said this might be nothing, but mention it to Matthew's father anyway, you were right. Thank you to everyone who offered advice (except for one meanie who has now deleted their comment!), particularly to those of you who shared stories about your own experiences with special education students/children. I really appreciate it. I'm so relieved it ended up being a non-issue. I'm a new mom and am suddenly so aware of how important it is that we look out for each other's kids, even at the risk of looking like clueless goofs. Thanks, guys! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2qdsvPL

Are my expectations out of whack?

I share 50/50 custody with my ex. We have two kiddos (10y & 13y). My ex had surgery on his foot about 5 weeks ago. It's in a cast and he cannot bear weight, he is cruching around and has a knee scooter. Because of the surgery I've had the kids on my own for the last 6 weeks. He is getting around, driving, going out with his girlfriend, and going to other social events. He's had the kids just three overnights in the last six weeks and maybe five visits total. Now, he is refusing to take his own kids overnight even though he can take care of them. Yes, it's a bit more of a pain, but he can do it. He's flat out refusing to have them overnight when I ask. It's making me crazy...partly because...I could use a little break and partly because I don't care if I was in a full body cast I would figure out a way to have my kids. I'm so frustrated and feeling like I have zero control and zero understanding of the situation. His commitment to parenting is so disappointing. It's especially exacerbated this week because both kids were home sick from school most (for one) and all week (for the other) and I've had to miss work/work from home...so really NO break at all. Taking deep breaths...am I just expecting too much? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oOzYA4