How do I handle this?

I'd like to think of myself as someone who handles uncomfortable situations with others very easily and my reactions to ignorance are well calculated and don't keep the cycle going. That being said, I am having a very hard time keeping my cool when it comes to my mother's actions, statements, or questions regarding my daughter. My 18 month old is curently in speech therapy for a delay and is in early intervention for other delays. They have said that she is flagging for things that would put her on the autism spectrum. The specialists that see her also continue to enforce that she is very young and could improve quickly. My mother is very much a bully to me. Demanding to know information that I don't really want to share and when I try to deflect, I get, well, bullied until I speak. The more I think about this, the angrier I am getting. This is my daughter, not hers and if I place a boundary it isn't a "power struggle", it's because I am the mother. One thing that I've demanded ending is my mother clapping her hands in my daughter's face because it makes her blink. Like, why? You know she's going to blink, so why continue it? It makes me furious. Yesterday, she took my child from me and brought her closer to some street music to, "help encourage her to use language". I wanted to scream. She continues to poke and prod and demand to know the treatment plan and if my daughter has "her autism diagnosis". I am seriously losing my ability to deal. She then told, not asked, but told me that she would be taking my daughter to public events because she feels "that inclusion will help". Nooooooope, no, I don't want her taking my child anywhere without myself or her father. My child is different, but in wonderful ways. I don't want my mother involved. If I say this, though, my father will verbally berate me and ask me why, "everything is a struggle with you and why is there so much bullshit". Those words cut, no lie. I am a nurse. I enforce hippa every day, but why is my right to privacy violated? My mother is on disability for mental illness, smokes 2 packs a day without regard to where my children are. She'll light up in front of them and not make a conscious effort to not expose them to the smoke. How in the world do I handle this in a way that is healthy for my child and my family? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PfxEiP