I should never have become a parent

I hate to be a downer so close to Christmas, but I’m new to reddit, just discovered this sub, and desperately need to type this all out.I want to first say that I love my kids more than anything, i would never wish them away now that they’re here and I work hard every day to be the mom they deserve. I’ll never let them even suspect that I feel this way. But I should never have had kids. I had them because raising children just seemed like such a vital part of the human experience. Because every parent told me that it’s hard but sooooo worth it. Because I thought if I didn’t have them, I would be alone and bored and miserable as I got older.It was hell in the beginning. The newborn phase is never easy, but people assured me it would get better. They’re in their teens now, much more independent and I finally have some of my freedom back. It got easier, but it never got better. I never stopped feeling like, as much as I loved my children with all my heart, I just wasn’t supposed to be a parent. I miss my freedom. My body. My disposable income. The thriving success I had in my career before I became a mom and kids always had to come first.I feel like my whole life has been a movie where I was the main character, but now I’m just an extra. This isn’t the life I wanted.And that fear I had that without children, I would be a lonely, miserable adult? Unfounded. I know many childless people who are happy with their choices. I have a coworker near retirement age who is childless by choice. He and his wife are so active in their community through church, volunteering and fostering animals. They’re about to retire and travel the country in an RV. They have friends and family to keep them company. I also have a close friend who does not want to have kids and she is one of the most genuinely happy people I know. She looks ten years younger than she is, travels all the time, spoils her nieces rotten and gets all the fun of kids with none of the obligations. I know not every childless person is a beacon of pure happiness, but many that I know seem fine with a life without kids. And I’m so bitterly jealous to think that it could have been my life, if only I had treated motherhood like a choice instead of an inevitability.I know this makes me sound like a terrible person and I’m sick to my stomach with guilt over feeling this way. But there’s no one else I can admit this to, and I just had to get it out at least once. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2SmCq0i