I'm going to try to be brief, but I'm upset and I tend to be a bit wordy, so no promises. If I leave out any pertitant info, I'm happy to provide more or clarify.I have an almost three year old son with my ex. My ex and I have not been together since I was pregnant with him. We have separate households and an informal 50/50 type of arrangement. We've never had any sort of set schedule and have both just been flexible and communicated about our availability etc.My ex has an anger issue. I have always known this. It is a large part of the reason that we are not together. While our coparenting relationship has overall been okay, there have been some gnarly bumps in the road. Additionally, my son is a very strong willed child. He can really throw a tantrum (we're working on it) and knows how to push buttons. I can see that he has a bit of an anger problem...like his dad.Lately, my son has been very clingy to me. He hasn't wanted to go with his dad or to grandmas or anywhere that I'm not, really. (He does fine at daycare drop off though.) Yesterday, I really needed a break. My ex met me at the mall to pick him up so I could spend some time with some friends. My son was fussy, but I figured he would calm down eventually once he was distracted.A few minutes later, I get a call from my ex. A butt dial from the car. At first, I wasn't sure what I was listening to...and then it sank in. My ex was screaming at the top of his lungs at my child, who was crying. Screaming at him to shut up, that he was going to get a spanking, "when I say do you hear me, you say yes sir", that type of thing. It wasn't as much what he said as the fact that he was literally raging. It was frightening to me and I'm an adult...I can't imagine that experience as a three year old.I was sick. I called him back and arranged to meet him to get my son back. I haven't communicated with him since. I don't know what to do. I feel very strongly that what I heard is not okay, for many reasons. It is abusive. It is scary. It is unhealthy. And it is not a good example for my son, who is already showing signs of having some self control and emotional regulation issues of his own. My son told me that daddy screams at him a lot and it hurts his ears and scares him.The thing is that my ex does not see anything wrong with this behavior and I know that he will not stop. I've seen him treat his daughter the same way and he justifies it. Yesterday he said, "Yeah I had to distract him by getting loud." Wtf? How does that even work? Distracting someone by screaming at them?I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can ever be at peace when my son is with him, knowing that this has happened and will undoubtedly happen again. At the same time, I've never wanted him to not be in his life and the idea of going it completely alone is daunting and depressing.My ex and I are completely unable to communicate in a healthy way about topics we disagree on. I have zero hope that we can reach any sort of understanding. I have considered hiring a mediator, but finances are tight for me. I fully expect that whatever our next interaction is, it will not be pleasant. I have a knot in my stomach.Any advice, suggestions, feedback, etc is really welcome. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ssZjnU
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