The relationship between my kids and my husband's parents is pretty lackluster. We are always asking them to invest more time and effort but they very rarely initiate, despite living relatively close by. Every couple of months, I think guilt catches up to them and they invite our eldest, who is 4.5, over for a sleepover. Only they always coordinate with my SIL's and have all their kids (who they already spend tons of time with) over, too. I get the impression that they're not very supervised, as our daughter often talks about playing outside on their mountain property alone or with her eight year old cousin, for long periods of time. We're an outdoorsy family, but also pay mind to ticks, heavy sun exposure, poison oak, and other potential hazards that a preschooler is just learning about. So, yes, the potential lack of supervision does make me slightly uncomfortable. When we pick our daughter up, she's always filthy and tells us she did not bathe or clean up, beyond washing her own hands after using the restroom. I had a suspicion they weren't applying sunscreen despite polite requests. So, last time, I sent a new bottle and it came back with the seal unbroken. Teeth are never brushed, either, and yuck. She does brush independently but needs those reminders. Our daughter tells us her grandparents tend go to bed before she and the cousins do (they are left to stay up late with a movie, in the living room which cool, sounds fun). But, she has mentioned that she goes to sleep feeling a bit nervous/uneasy because her grandparents don't read her a bedtime story or tuck her in.I know, separately, none of this is truly world-ending behavior. However, combined with their general disinterest towards our kids overall, it worries me, a bit. I know rules are meant to be more relaxed with grandparents but I kinda feel like this goes beyond staying up past bedtime and eating too many cookies. Our daughter goes over there to spend time with her grandparents, so I do expect them to devote a little special attention to her and follow a few hygiene/safety rules that are appropriate to where she is at, as a four year old. There has been another request for her to come spend the night soon, and I really want my husband to reiterate certain boundaries with his parents about our daughter's care, when she's there. Of course, he worries about making them feel micromanaged and disrupting an already fragile relationship so he tends to beat around the bush or remind me that it's only a night and it'll be fine. I will say, our daughter wants to go. They have pets, lots of land to roam on and she adores her older cousins. She does say she wishes her grandparents played with her more when she's visiting, which kind breaks my heart a little, but I think the other kids are enough to keep the experience new and fun for her at this point.So, am I being unreasonable? Any idea about how best to approach this? If I'm being totally overbearing and you have some helpful advice or experience to ease my concerns, that's welcomed, too. Thanks and happy Friday! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Gur1EQ
No comments:
Post a Comment