Long story short, my mother is a bit of a narcissist. It took me far too long to realize it and I messed up by letting it progress as far as it did. All my life, she was an attentive and loving mother but quickly became the MIL from hell during the pregnancy, constantly trying to impose her will and ignoring my fiancee's wishes every step of the way. Their "relationship" at this point is beyond repair.As a result, I've cut my mother (and by extension my grandparents since they inevitably took her side) pretty much entirely out of our lives which has been the most emotionally painful thing I've ever done. Even though I know her actions and behavior toward my fiancee were unacceptable, I can't just forget about the relationship we had for 25~ years before her, and I know that being denied any semblance of a relationship with her only grandson is breaking her heart. And feeling that I am responsible for that is breaking mine.Our son is a little over two years old. Despite all of us living no more than 15 miles away from each other, he has seen his grandma maybe 4 or 5 times on birthdays and holidays. His great grandparents less than that. And in a little more than two weeks, the three of us are moving 1000 miles away. I know that my Grandparents will likely never see my son again after we move. My grandpa in particular who was recently diagnosed with dementia.I wanted to get everyone together one last time before the move at a park near my grandparent's house. My dad and sister agreed to come with me, which are my only family with whom my fiancee has a healthy relationship. I invited them and arranged this in a public setting to make my fiancee as comfortable as possible. When i first told her I wanted to arrange this gathering, she made it clear that she didn't want to go, but would think about permitting me to take our son. A day or two later when I told her where it was and who was coming with me, she said hmm, maybe even I will go since they're going. Now the day before the event she says out of the blue that she's not going and she won't allow me to take our son either.And I just want to die. Like I don't want to fight with her about this. In two weeks none of this will matter anymore because we'll be forever away. And I agreed to move this far away so we wouldn't have to deal with any of this bullshit. But I deliberately never mentioned to my mom and grandparents that I'd be bringing my son to this gathering because I knew there was a chance my fiancee would not allow it and I didn't want to get their hopes up. It wasn't until she said that she might even go that I figured it was safe to do so. So now I either have to blow off the entire gathering or come up with yet another excuse as to why my fiancee and son decided to stay home.I know my family is mostly toxic and nothing good would come from allowing them to have a lasting role in his life. That's why they haven't been permitted to see him except on rare occasions. That's why we're moving so far away. But i can't help but after all they've done for me in life I feel like I owe them a chance to say goodbye. The thought of being denied that has my stomach in knots.Someone tell me I'm dumb. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2IA4rg3
No comments:
Post a Comment