My mom had surgery at the beginning of the month. She is miserable and in pain. I get it. It sucks really bad. But she is an emotional wreck. Part of it is they have her on prednisone and it makes her even more nuts, but she has been so cruel. She already calls me three times a day or more. I am direct and tell her I can't talk all the time. I have two kids. I cannot be holding her hand 24/7. It doesn't matter what I do. It is never enough. Friday, she was going to the doctor. I told her to call me because I didn't know when she was getting out. I talked to her and so did the kids. Saturday, we had an event to go to. I texted her some pictures, but we were busy all day. Yesterday, my daughter had her Cub scout cross over ceremony. It was a big deal for her. She is 5 and this is her first one. I was outside in the sun all day running around with my kids and their friends. It was a lot of fun, but also exhausting. We came home, I gave the kids a bath, put them to bed, ate dinner and fell asleep before 10. Again, I texted her a couple of times, with pictures of the kids. On top of this, I have been very sick for over 2 months. I now have swelling in 3 places in my intestines and in my stomach and liver. We don't know why it hasn't calmed down. I am on lots of medication and in severe pain. All this time, I have still been taking care of my kids. My 5 year old has birthday parties every weekend for the next 5 weeks, and still, we are (or were) planning to go down after the one this weekend and spend memorial day there (they live two hours away).I so care. I just can't be there to be her keeper. Therapy helped me put up boundaries and now my sister finally started therapy. The therapist thinks my mom has borderline personality disorder, but can't say for sure, as it is all second hand information, but it is very, very likely as she has textbook symptoms. She lies all the time, is always the victim, no one ever cares enough and she is always dying. I don't have the energy to feed into this. I tried calling her today and she yelled that it was amazing since I obviously don't care because we haven't spoke in 3 whole days (which is bull shit, because we did talk!). She is texting me all sorts of hateful stuff. On top of it all, I am being stalked on Reddit. I am at the end of my rope.My 3 year old heard my mom screaming through the phone and asked why I was being mean to grandma. I explained that grandma is hurting and miserable and lashing out, but she doesn't get it. I don't think I can go visit her if she is like this. The problem is if I don't go she will get worse. But I refuse to put my kids in the middle of this. She will claim I am withholding the kids to hurt her, but in reality, she is unstable and I can't do that to my kids. I dealt with it my whole childhood. I also worry that letting the kids call her will be an issue because when we do she cries and is overdramatic.I don't know what to do. When she does this I have to choose between being a good daughter and a good mother and I choose protecting my kids every single time. It is no contest. I do love my mother. I am incredibly worried about her. But I don't know how to help her. Any help is dismissed. She told my dad to go out and then got mad that he did. It is completely nuts. Both she and my dad have lots of narcissistic tendencies. My sister is just figuring this out and she keeps calling and saying how hard it is to come to terms with this (while ignoring that she is part of the problem). It is crazy. I am sure my grandma will be calling to berate me for not doing enough. I have no idea how to balance it all right now. I am trying really hard. I can't be all things to all people. My health is suffering for it. It just seems impossible. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2rVodfU
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