Sorry this is so long. I'm pretty worked up.There's a lot to go into, so please bear with me. I recently moved in with my fiancé (42F). She has 3 kids: 20F (moved out today), 12M, 17M. I have 2: 14m, 12F. It's busy here. The problem is the 17M. I don't know what to do to help my fiancé, or him. He just graduated in June. Barely. By like .05 of 1 pt. But he did. He didn't give a crap about school. Didn't try. Didn't care. Got very angry when his mom would get on him about his grades. Eventually she just wanted him to graduate. He would get Nasty mean. He's had problems with smoking weed (got arrested and got off on a technicality). He's come home drunk many times. He gets belligerent and yells. He knows better about life than anyone. Says awful things to his mom. So after I moved in, 3 weeks ago, we all went to Florida for a week. He stayed due to work (part time job at the ice rink). The first night there we get a call from him. He wrecked his car and got popped for a DUI. I couldn't believe it. He should've been killed based on the pictures I saw. Totaled the 16k car she bought him a year ago. She paid for a one-way plane ticket and got him there the next day. He was very apologetic and remorseful. I don't buy it, I've seen his act too many times. But the week went ok. His arraignment is 8/1.We came home and things settled down. He landed a "real" job working for a sprinkler company (his dad works there) and seemed as though he was taking a good turn. This morning I was getting ready for work at 4:30 and I started hearing loud music coming from his room. Followed by him singing and being generally loud. I knew he was wasted. He had gone out all night and snuck in through the back door. Keep in mind he had to be at work at 7:30 and he was F-Ed up. Bad. I got his mom and she got him to lay down. So 6:30 comes along (I stayed late at home because I knew this might go sideways) and he sleeps through his alarm. She goes into get him and can tell he's still wasted. She tells him to get in the shower and she can't believe what he's doing. He flew into a rage and started screaming at her. I mean awful, hateful things. Just being a maniac. I told him he better watch it and he went back to his room. I had to leave at this point. She ended up driving him to work so he wouldn't get another DUI or have an accident. He was able to get himself through the day without issues somehow. When it was time to pick him up, I said I was going to do it, and proceeded to tell him how messed up what he did was, which obviously pissed him off worse because he said nothing. During the day, his mom found 2 liquor bottles in his room and removed them.When he got home, he went in his room and hasn't been out since. He sent a text to his bio-dad saying things such as: we don't understand him. Drugs and alcohol help him. We're stupid. We're too strict (holy shit), don't touch his things, his drinking and drugs have caused no one any problems (hahahahaha), he can take care of himself and he will leave if anyone says another word to him about it - just try him (oh please leave). If it was stupid and mean, he said it. His dad knows he's got issues but is really not a part of his life much at all.He doesn't think the thousands of dollars his mom spent on lawyers, 5 trips to court, totaling his car (3k upside down), the insurance (holy shit), and not to mention the court problems that are looming, were any inconvenience to anyone. Good lord.I'm torn because I'm sorta new here. I've known him for a few years, but as a father figure it's pretty new. I so want to drop the hammer on his ass, but she doesn't. She's just devastated about all of it. I tried to tell her she can't keep babying him because it's only going to get worse (if it can) and he's either going to end up in jail, or dead.It's like he has these extreme highs, followed by crazy lows. He gets almost euphoric, then suddenly moody and sad. He self-medicates when he gets low, and thinks it helps him. She has taken him to many therapists and psychiatrists. He's on meds, but I don't think they help and the substance abuse isn't going to let them work the right way anyway. He's just a mess. He swears he's fine and doesn't need help. Yells it in fact. We're the dumb ones.I'm worried about something bad going down this weekend. I don't want to get physical with him, but I won't let him lay a hand on anyone in the house. I feel like there may be something genuinely mentally wrong with him, but I don't know how to get him help, or what to do. Where to go. How to handle it if he blows his stack again. I really felt like he was inches from doing something violent this morning when he was yelling at her. I won't let that happen. I really want him to get out and see what it's like out there. His mom DOES EVERYTHING for him. Pays for EVERYTHING in his life. Basically leaves him alone, except for when he fucks up. But he's getting worse. Don't get me wrong, I really like him and worry about him. Yes, I'm fed up but it's like there's 2 different kids in there a lot of the time. I told his mom to let him deal with the DUI mess, but she won't. She's going to get him through it and pay his way. She can't bear to see him ruin his life, even though he's on the way. Oh forgot - he's supposed to start community college next month, but I GUARANTEE that he doesn't go ahead with it, or quits immediately.So please, if you have advice on handling an out of control 17 yo, please help me. He will be 18 in 2 weeks. Please, I know she's made mistakes here. I probably have too. But we need help and I don't know who to ask. Sorry for the length, I'm exhausted and rambling. Thanks Reddit. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2typ6NW
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