Had a verbal argument with my 12yo son tonight that turned physical. Wall of text [mainly catharsis]:He, the eldest, refused to go to his karate class but also refused to ring his sensei and say he wouldn't attend. I explained patiently that it wasn't good to just ditch the class mainly because he's given a commitment to attend. He said he still wanted to go in the future, just not this time as he was tired; which he probably was (been camping with us all for long weekend). He eventually kowtow-ed and agreed to go, he was clearly feeling aggressive and we (mother and I) thought it would be best if he burnt off some steam - he enjoys the classes, definitely helps him get aggression out.Next thing he's getting ready up stairs; screams and swears at Toddler because they were in the way, roughly grabs him and moves him. I explain that's not acceptable and give a "first warning". When he's ready he comes in to living room downstairs and throws a toy dustpan-and-brush, narrowly missing his younger brothers (8 and 18months); apparently not aiming at them. Then swears at me when I say that's not acceptable; he knows we have a rule about throwing things in living room and knows I'm very hot on enforcing it, apparently "doesn't care" if anyone is injured. Blames me for buying a dangerous toy; mother interjects that it's only dangerous when thrown. I then gave him a second warning that this sort of behavior wasn't acceptable -- if he gets three warnings there's a specific named consequence; in this case I state that if we can't trust him to control his aggression at home then he won't go on youth camp next week. He continues to berate us telling us we don't care about him, etc., and that he's never aggressive at camp because they care about him and listen to him. I explain that he needs to back down a little, stop being as aggressive; his response is to swear at me and tell me to back down.He, Eldest, then storms off and waits at front-door - meanwhile toddler approaches him as I'm getting the car keys and such ready to go. Toddler annoys him, trying to grab something out his hand, I verbally caution toddler (Toddler is very young however and doesn't always understand or comply). Toddler annoys again and Eldest kicks him in the chest knocking him to the floor.I confess I acted without much thought, placed myself between him and Toddler and not really knowing what else to do pressed Eldest against the door, restraining him. Eldest shouted, pushed, struggled and I explained I wasn't letting go until he stopped. Didn't stop, so I told him to get out the door. He did, he went out to our car outside. Meanwhile Toddler's mum had picked him up and he was uninjured but upset from being knocked down.Eldest re-enters the house and I blocked the way to the living room - where the rest of the family was sitting - saying I wasn't letting him in unless he would promise not to hurt anyone. He said, swearing, he would "hurt me if I didn't get out the way"; I said I wasn't moving whilst he was still being so aggressive and he started hitting me: punching my upper body. I said what he was doing was assault, did he want me to call the police and as he kept hitting me I called the police.At which point, being hit by him whilst speaking on the phone he left the house again, crying. Returning shortly after and going up stairs. Police basically said "if he's stopped hitting you there's nothing for us to do", which is fair enough; not even sure what I expected. I've never had to deal with personal physical assault as an adult and never expected to have that happen; the <<ringing the police>> was just what I've been taught you do if someone attacks you; it was a fallback response.His mother then got him from upstairs and took him out for a walk. After which Eldest apologised to Toddler (but said nothing to me).So ... no idea of the way forward.I feel absolutely lost; I love Eldest dearly but can't cope with his aggressive behaviour. We're pretty poor, there's very little we can do in the way of sanctions; he shares a room with our middle son (his younger brother).My learned response from years of bullying as a child has been to run away when faced with physical aggression - I'm fighting the almost overwhelming desire to leave. I love my children dearly, but it's only been my love for my wife and not wanting to leave her picking up the pieces that's stopped me from running away tonight.What should I have done differently, what should I do now?TL;DR eldest child kicked toddler, causing physical restraint of eldest by me (dad); eldest swore at wife and I, punched me repeatedly, I called police, police didn't come, eldest eventually apologised to toddler, hasn't spoken to me since, now in bed. I want to run away but am seeking better suggestions.Little background: I've had problems with depression, am under-employed, recently had unrelated health problems that put me on crutches for 6 weeks (karate injury, started karate as promise to Eldest) and then a different problem put me in hospital with bowel problems for 4 days - none of the kids seem to care about me an iota mind you. Was supposed to be picking his (v. expensive for us) bike up from shop tonight; something we bought together. Couldn't do that because I was standing in our hallway being punched by him. Eldest doesn't have many friends, I have fewer; he's basically like me at his age except I had the fight bullied out of me. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2t9Qqhx
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