I’m a stepdad. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 9 years. In that time I’ve helped to raise her son who was 1 at the time we met. We’ve lived together for 8 of those years. Real dad has been on the scene and seen his son every 2 weeks at the weekend. For the sake of this post lets call my stepson J.In those years bio Dad hasn’t contributed anything. Nothing towards any clothes, nothing towards school trips, nothing towards the upkeep of J. Yet bio Dad could easily spend his money on drugs and alcohol. In the 8 years he’s given us £10, and bought J maybe 3 bits of clothing.In the 8 years I’ve worked my ass off to ensure that J has everything he needs. If he wants to do after school clubs, or go on school trips, I’d make sure he could do them. If he needs clothes, or wants toys/games I’d pay for them. My partner works part time, and I work full time, and money we get mostly goes towards J’s needs.In March bio Dad was sent to prison for hitting a brick over someones head and smashing up his girlfriends house. Nobody told us. He was released on bail in September and to my knowledge he’s still on bail. He seen J for a few hours after my partner stopped any overnight contact.We gave him our number and he called us 3 days before J’s birthday to wish him well. That was the last contact we got. He turned up outside our home two days ago - almost 3 months after his last visit - with his parents claiming I stopped his contact and changed my number. Total lies, I’ve still got the texts and call logs to show he has called my number. He tried to say that I switched my phone number so he couldn't call - which is odd because it's still on to this day. He also knows my partners family, and our address, so if there was any truth to his ridiculous claim he could have contacted us in any number of ways.J was with us when this happened and was quite surprised and excited to see his Dad. His Dad came with gifts for his late Birthday. Only one of the gifts was from Dad - a book that looked like it came from the pound store!Anyway, we all agreed that he can collect him for 2 hours next week and take him out so long as he’s supervised for the first few visits.Since bio Dad’s visit J’s attitude has been very bad. It’s upsetting and I’m hurt at the moment. It’s horrible to see a smart little guy go the opposite way because Dad is on the scene. J seems amazed with the book and is singing his praises. It hurts because me and Mom put effort into his birthday. We got him a new computer, a microscope, ant farm, Harry Potter book boxset, clothing and done a big party for him. We didn’t get that sort of appreciation that bio Dad gets for getting him a stinking book. That hurts me and Mom. J doesn’t know it hurts us.I’ve worked my bollocks off to make sure his Christmases and Birthdays are good for him. He’s got everything that he asked for on his santa list. We’ve paid for an optional school trip in January, and a new “Science Geeks” after school club that starts January. With no help from bio Dad might I add.This guy does nothing for him. Whilst bio Dad wasn’t in contact J would say “I don’t like my Dad when I go there all he does is sleeps and leaves me on my own”. And, “My Dad never buys me anything he must not care for me”. And, "Why doesn't Daddy buy me good presents?". These were J’s own words.But, that seems to have changed overnight. He’s become very cheeky and answering back. This is not like him at all. We noticed that whilst J was seeing bio Dad in the past his attitude would change after he seen him for a few days, but since he’s had no contact he was an absolute golden boy.We’ve tried talking to him about his behaviour and why it’s happening. He switches off, or tells us “I don’t know”. When we do try and talk to him he doesn’t listen. He will literally switch off. If asked “What did I just say J?” he will respond with “I don’t know I forgot”.Sorry for the long wall of text. We are just stuck. Dad has stepped back on the scene and all hell breaks loose at home. At the same time my Dad has terminal Cancer and J is close to my Dad but he doesn’t know what’s going on with that. He’s too young to understand.Today we contacted CSA in the UK and we’ve applied for maintenance from him. He will now have to pay us money towards J weekly whether he likes it or not. If he can’t afford it, tough! Get a job. Do what I do for your son to make sure he gets what he needs.It’s heartbreaking, because it feels like J can’t see that those who are there for him, and would never let him down, are us. We’re always here for him yet right now the sun shines out of bio Dad’s backside.I know I speak of bio Dad as an idiot. He is. He’s a drug abusing, alcoholic, violent, idiot who has done nothing for his son in the 8 years I’ve been here. As they say, leopards never change their spots and I’ve no doubt he will mess up again. But when he does it’s us that has to pick up the pieces.Does anyone have any advice to give in this situation? Any advice on how we can help J get back on track with behaviour? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2g9O9jO
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