Nearly 6 and still won’t wipe her own butt..

My 5 year old step daughter will be 6 in February. We have split custody and see her every other weekend and one night a week. She is currently in the process of being medically evaluated and assessed for ADHD (or perhaps ODD). For the past year and a half we have been attempting and failing to get her to wipe her own butt. She refuses. Mostly, she just won’t wipe after using the toilet. Her hygiene is usually fine otherwise - just won’t wipe. She enjoys baths, brushes her teeth, and has recently taken to brushing her own hair. But wiping? Nope.When she was in daycare the teachers tried to help us. They would tell her if she didn’t wipe her butt then spiders would crawl in her butt. It was weird but it worked. For about a week. Then that wore off and she stopped doing it. Her mother claims she wipes by herself, but mom has her own number of issues (she lies about 80% of things, especially if she needs to lie about something that may at all show that her child is somehow not perfect...). When SD is at our house, she just won’t wipe. If she is sick (eg diarrhea) she will call for dad to wipe her butt and if he refuses she will throw a tantrum (her tantrums are really bad and can get violent, so he will usually oblige to keep her safe). But for pee she just flushes the toilet and pulls up her pants. I can remind her to wipe and if I stand beside her and tell her to do so, she will. But she just doesn’t seem to have the initiative/care to do so on her own.Do you have any advice? I’m tired of buying new underwear only for it to be ruined. And we don’t have the time to stand beside her every time she potties. This doesn’t feel age-appropriate anymore, so what can we do? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2RBHkGg