Blue Christmas

I LOVE Christmas. I always have. It was alway a big deal growing up, me and my two siblings would wake up at 5 o clock (fuckin kids, right?), and we were allowed to open our stockings without our parents up. So after the candy and odds and ends, at about 6, we would try to rouse our parents. They would grumpily remind us how to make coffee, and slowly make their way downstairs. We would always get what we asked for and, most of the time, then some. They definitely took on debt due to this, though they would never say so. My mom would make breakfast, cinnamon rolls and hashbrowns and bacon. Then we would play with our new stuff and eventually make our way to Grandma's for 3 o clock dinner.This is my third Christmas since my mom passed away. It's fucking painful. But now I have kids of my own (2 and 4). I was just writing my grocery list for the week and was thinking of Christmas breakfast. And it's so nostalgic. Because it was such a big thing for us. Mom made awesome breakfast on holidays. And I'm thinking of how Christmas is definitely more satisfying as a parent, watching their faces light up when they get what they've been talking about for MONTHS. And that I'm seeing Christmas the way that my mom saw Christmas for the first time (because they're just now getting to the age where they know what they want).Not sure where this is going. For some reason, I feel like I should be past this. Not entirely 'over it', but more like 'not crying at the drop of a dime' over my mom's death.Have a Happy Holiday. But know that it's hard for some people, and definitely don't feel bad for not liking the holidays for whatever reason. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2R9VrG7