Christmas is already over where I live (Australia) and it is Boxing Day here already and today was actually a nice day.So, I am a single mother to 2 kids who are 6 and 4, and sadly, the stresses of having children broke my marriage apartment, my husband and I both kinda regretted it (the second child was unplanned) and left me. It was hard because I wasn't 100% sure about kids and had them for him because he was 110% sureI could go back to age 21 and do my life all over again knowing what I know now, I would remain childfree.That doesn't mean I don't love them dearly. I liken it to law school. I was really happy to graduate with good grades, but I didn't enjoy being in law school with all the exams and late nights. I feel like that with my kids. I love them so much. I'd literally die for them without a moment's hesitation.But my choice to have them cost me everything I loved so much about my life - my career, my freedom, having disposable income my love for travel, my relationship, my ability to live where I want and not where the court says I have to live, my hobbies. I try and claw bits of it back persevere I can but there is only so much I can do. I love them, but if I am being perfectly honest, becoming a mother was not worth the trade off.But today? Today was one of those days where it almost felt worth it. I am visiting my parents back home for a few days and it's actually been nice. It's rare for me. The kids woke up at 6am excited to see Santa ate the Tim-Tams and gave the carrot to the reindeer. They had a wonderful time decorating cookies with my parents. They have been happy playing with their new toys and being with their cousins. For a few days, I don't have to think about how much child care/after school care costs, or think about how I am working far below my potential because my career has been "mummy tracked". I didn't have to feel upset looking at more travel pictures from my friends who do travel. I was able to get a bit of alone time in the evenings because my parents are happy to spend time with them. I even got to go for quiet walk alone yesterday afternoon, I got to go to the shops alone to get some stuff. That felt almost like a vacation. And then I realise how crazy it is. I went to 44 countries before having kids. Now going to K-Mart alone feels like a holiday.It won't last. In a few days it will be January. It will be back to work and time to buy them school uniforms and fill expensive booklists and pay for expensive outside hours care and gymnastics lessons again, and my only real free time being my commute and the couple of hours between their bedtime and mine where I am too tired to really enjoy it anyway. I will be back to spending time chasing up fucking child support I am owed and the day to day grind of being on my own with 2 kids.But today was a great day and so was the last weekend and Chrismtas Eve.The feeling of today, and this week, can not last forever, but I am glad I got to have these feelings. It was a like a little reward for the 95% of the year that has been thankless slog and grind and sacrifice.I'm glad little kids find Christmas so magical because a little bit of it got to rub off onto me.Merry Christmas everyone.Sorry if this is a stupid post for today, I just wanted to tell this to someone and for obvious reasons, feel I can't tell my family. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Q20K5A
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