Let me preface by saying that I am not here to debate spanking. I personally don’t spank my children but if you do then that’s great. I just need to rant. Warning, this is about to get long.I decided to create this account because I need an outlet and don’t want anyone in my real life finding my other account. Basically I am the mom of twin boys, Jasper and Polaris. They will be turning 2 in a couple of weeks!Jasper has recently taught me a very important lesson as a mother. I grew up in a very hippie dippie home; my parents were completely against any form of violence including spanking. I always admired them and when it was time for me to become a mother I decided to follow their steps and never spank. That was all going well until a couple of weeks ago when my sweet baby Jasper decided to test me to the limit just in time for his second birthday to be right around the corner.He suddenly has meltdowns and tantrums all of the freaking time, he has began doing things like crying (not really crying... he doesn't shed a single tear and I'm pretty sure he's just making believe he's crying the cheeky monkey) and throwing things because they’re not done his exact way. Just today we were having some free play time and Polaris was holding a toy car and Jasper pushed him to get the toy. I went over to him and told him he shouldn’t do that with a firm no and gave him *his* car to play with… cue “crying.” Then we were in the bedroom folding clothes and they ‘help me’ (aka I give them something to play with so I can fold clothes) and he insisted on throwing it at the cat. Again a firm no followed by crying. Then he decides that it’s time for cleanup but since I am not done folding the clothes he starts yelling ‘clean up’ at the top of his lungs which I address by saying ‘no, no cleanup yet, darling’ and consequently ignore…. Until he pushes all of the clothes I just folded to the ground and starts wailing. He is put in the play pen to calm down and he’s just yelling and ‘crying’ (again not a single tear shed) until he sees his brother is playing with another toy at which point he just giggles and points. I ask if he is calm now and he nods and of course… he gets out and pushes his brother down and when I tell him no he starts throwing the toys against the closet door, hitting Polaris in the process and then throwing himself on the ground and again…. Having a tantrum.He also cannot stand me giving Polaris any kind of attention and not him. When they were little I could hold both of them but now… not so much (I am a tiny human at 4'11 and 110 pounds). So I make sure we have turns of me holding them, for example when we are playing. Sometimes Polaris wants to sit on my lap so I tell him that he can but then we have to give Jasper a turn. Polaris gladly waits for his turn to have some time in my arms but Jasper? Cue the kicking and throwing of things at me and his brother… also if he doesn’t get his way he will just sit on top of his brother too, sometimes hurting him in the process.I know he is acting out and I know he’s turning two and he’s going through the terrible two phase before Polaris is… but honestly? the last three day I swear I wish I could just give him a good tap on the bum. Guys, I even have to close my eyes and imagine me doing so. I wish I could say I feel ashamed for this but I don’t. Yes, I imagine myself spanking my kid sometimes because he’s being a pain in the fucking ass and I actually quite enjoy the imagining process.Please note I am not like fantasizing seriously injuring my child or beating him... but let’s just say when he bit me the other day I wanted nothing more than to bite him back and today I just wanted to spank his bum to make him stop being impossible!I’m still firm on no spanking or any kind of physical discipline like that but you know what? Sometimes it’s nice to imagine it if only so I can take a deep breath and continue to work through his tantrums.Thanks for reading and please don’t judge me too harshly. I know this post seems like Jasper is my problem child but both children have had their share of ups and downs and I need to RANT. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KBvSGK
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