Struggling to assert myself as my son's father again.

I actually posted on another sub before but they removed it and told me to post here instead.I want to start off saying I know I am a terrible father and the guilt of my actions has made me have depression and not a single night of peaceful sleep for 13 years. The only reason I am still alive is because my wife will not be able to support our kids by herself.A month after my son was born, I slipped carrying him on ice. He had a brain injury and now suffers from a form of cerebral palsy. He has poor motor function in his limbs and struggles with speech. But he is intelligent, handsome and a great human being.My angel of a wife forgave me instantly and at her insistence, we have been telling our son that he was born that way. It was selfish I know.I have spent the rest of my life trying to make up for this. I gave up my career just so I can work in a company with low pay but great benefits for my son.I have dedicated every moment of my life to making sure he is happy. But I know that none of it makes up for what I did to him.My older son [19m] accidentally told my son the truth about his injury. He feels terrible but none of us blame him. It was not his fault in any way.The change in my younger son was overnight. He was justifiably angry. And although most of it is directed at me, he has started lashing out at his brother and mom as well.We have started him in therapy and its been five months and he is unwilling to talk to the therapist. He is also doing poorly in school and doesn't even play his video games. We have had to put him back in diapers because he doesn't tell us he needs to go. I am absolutely devastated.I can never forget the day when my little buddy, my best friend, looked me straight in the eye and told he hated me and spat at me. He says I have ruined his life and he is right. What can I even say to that?A week ago, he had a breakdown and has stopped yelling at me. I have moved back upstairs from the basement.But right now, I am struggling to find my place in my family again. There is still a lot of tension in the household.I would like to parent him like before but I can't seem to get over my own guilt.Our therapist has sort of been angry that I allowed this to get to so bad. She wants me to go back to disciplining him for his behavior towards the rest of us. I'm terrified it'll make him hate me even more.My hours are more flexible so I am the primary caregiver.Has anyone dealt with something like this? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EPc5S8