Equality among stepchildren

What do you think about blending families? I was recently in a very promising relationship. After raising my daughter alone, I didn't think I could make room for a relationship in my heart or schedule. But this man changed my outlook on so much, he was beyond kind, and we just really connected in a way I have never experienced. He also has a daughter about the same age. After dating for a while, he began talking about the M word, and we began discussing what that would be like for our girls. We planned to keep our finances separate, I would be financially responsible for my daughter, and he for his. I asked if they would experience the same rules, discipline, have the same opportunities? I really want equality for my child. I don't want her to ever feel less important than a sibling, and blended families are complicated in this way. Anyhow, the conversation moved to college. Specifically, paying for college. I said that if his daughter had her tuition covered by her family (him, the mother, very wealthy grandparents...), I wanted to be sure to cover my daughters. But if not, I want to provide an equal experience. I want them to feel like they both get a fair shot in establishing adult lives. I understand that the world is not a fair place, and some things will undoubtedly be unequal. But I cannot stomach the scenario of a stepdaughter that graduates with zero debt and can immediately establish a family of her own, or travel the world, or whatever she wants, while my kid is indebted for ten years. Why is this a problem you ask? I would be covering the difference, not my partner. I understand that contributions from grandparents and the mother are not in our control, having this support is a great thing for his daughter. I want to match it because my daughter doesn't have those resources, she has one parent and average grandparents. I can afford to. But my ex is bothered by this, because he thinks that I expect him to reduce his daughter's privilege to create equality. I want to match. He's worried that I don't want whats best for his child, and that I will "hold a grudge" against her. This says more to me, about who he thinks I am. I directly asked him, "do you think my daughter deserves equality?" He didn't answer this. The conversation went sour, and we broke up. The angry mama in me is okay with this outcome. But the loving partner in me wonders if this could have been poor communication. I'm feeling really sad because this happened yesterday, and now my daughter and I are spending Thanksgiving alone. Having to explain the reason to her was the icing on the cake. TL;DR: Did I dodge a bullet? Or should I not expect an effort for equality in a blended household?Crossposted in parenting and stepparents via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2hO0vfM