I don't know what to do with my four year old's behavior issues.

My daughter has got it all - she is kind, sweet, and loving. She is smart and does well in school. She listens as well as any four year old. But lately she has become so incredibly angry I don't know what to do. She yells and throws a fit at the drop of a hat - she will resort to being incredibly bossy and somewhat mean in tone and word choice when she wants something. Tonight she hit my hand when she wanted me to do something.I just don't know how to handle it. I've tried giving her time outs, but those make it worse before they make it better. I've asked her not to do those things, and even though she will calm down relatively quickly after that, it still happens again.I know that she is thinking and feeling a lot of things. This year has been full of difficult events in her life and I don't blame her for feeling upset. In fact, I think her rage is justified to some extent, but not to the extent that it causes destruction to her relationships and the things around her. How in the heck do I help her work through these things while also teaching her to stay calm? It seems that she will take things in stride and then it comes back out later. For example, she had a surprise brother last month. Holy cow! That's a big thing. But we didn't really, really talk about it. I don't know how to talk about it with her. She knows she's a big sister and she has new big sister responsibilities, but I don't know how to talk to her about it more. I think I'll try to sit down and have a heart to heart with her but I need advice on how to tackle the behavioral aspect, and how to talk about loss/change/responsibility. :\ via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2hBhZuk