need helping convincing wife that giving in and giving the toddlers whatever they want is healthy

I'm beyond frustrated with my wife. we have a set of almost three year old twin girls.when the girls want a snack, my wife opens up the pantry and says 'what do you want?' and let's them pick whatever. I've asked her to limit the choices to two or three things and mix in healthy choices through the day, but my requests typically fall on deaf ears. and the times that she does try, the kids will scream and she gives in within the matter of a minute to get them to be quiet.her idea of discipline is telling the girls that the next time they do something that they're going in time out or other consequences. but the problem is, they do the same thing again, the same threat of 'next time you do that you're going in time out.' is repeated. there's hardly ever any consequence, unless they physically hit her and she then she'll push them away and scream 'dont do that! that hurts!'we got into an argument the other day when after giving one of the toddlers second helping of pasta and she wanted more, that I asked her to eat other things on the plate first before I gave her a bit more. the toddler had a melt down and my wife berated me for not giving her more pasta. I tried to explain to her that balancing out the meal was important and that the toddler can't just pick and choose what she eats (remember i already gave her a second helping of pasta already when this happened).in a nutshell, the two big issues I have with my wife is that she never follows up on her consequences that she spells out, and that if the kids scream and have a breakdown, she gives them whatever they want to quiet them.about an hour ago today, I had another talk about these things and my wife said 'you're just trying to control the 3 of us.'yesterday, i tried to convince her to read/listen to the audio book called scream free parenting and one of Janet Lansbury's books and I was met with 'im not going to listen to them because I disagree with them.'am I the crazy one? am I being controlling by limiting the toddlers' choices and actually following up on consequences when I give them one?I really don't want my kids to grow up thinking that rules at school can be broken or laws can be broken and that the penalties won't be enforced.I really want my kids to balance out their food choices instead of eating 5 pouches of apple sauce in a day.advice and criticism would be greatly appreciated. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2a115k4