When experts tell me to spank.

I'll start with, my 8 yo adopted daughter (came to our home at 13 months due to gross neglect) was recently diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). The psychologist told me that she believes there is abuse, perhaps sexual abuse, in her first year that she can't articulate but still subconsciously suffers from.For those who don't know RAD, it is rare in the general population, but not uncommon among kids who spent early years in foster care. To oversimplify, she isn't fully self aware, and she doesn't form true family/love connections with anyone, including us (that isn't fully accurate, but it is a quick description).Discipline of RAD kids is extremely difficult as they don't bond. Most discipline (extra chores, time out, time in, loss of privileges, loss of toys...) doesn't work on her. Right now we are laser focused on correcting two related behaviors: theft and lying. She steals whenever she gets the chance and tells obvious lies about it. (Example: she stole a large bottle of hand sanitizer off the teacher's desk and shoved it in her backpack. Me: "Why did you steal this?" Daughter: "I didn't daddy, it must have fallen into my backpack.")At the advice of her therapist, we have removed her bedroom door, bathroom cabinet doors, dresser drawers, given her a clear backpack, and placed all her toys in a common area so everything she plays with can be seen. Her room is now pretty bare, bed, a dresser with no drawers and clothes on top, clothes hanging in the closet with nothing else. It breaks my heart, I keep asking 'is all this necessary', and the only answer I can come to is 'yes'.We haven't tried spanking. First, when she was a foster child it was forbidden by law. She is adopted now, and we LEGALLY could spank. I just know what the research says about negative impacts on kids, ESPECIALLY kids with abuse in their background.Yesterday the therapist suggested we try spanking her when she lies to us (not steals, as we rarely catch her stealing, we just catch her with what she stole, she is INCREDIBLY observant and opportunistic). The therapist said keep it controlled, one swat of the hand to her bottom when she tells an obvious lie. I called the psychologist and she agreed it was worth trying.I haven't seen any peer reviewed study endorsing spanking. I know there is anecdotal evidence of 'it worked on me' (which applies to me, my parents believed in spanking), but the research generally says it should be a last resort or more likely not used at all.What do you think, do I listen to the generic experts with published data, or is spanking worth trying based on the therapist and psychologist (who both are highly respected) who actually see and know my daughter? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2LK65gy