This is my biggest battle yet. My son is 16 months old and the light of my life. However when you have suffered from severe depression and anxiety your entire life, it's really hard at times to put life/good energy into someone else. I can't stress how difficult it is to put in 100% all day every single day. And then comes the guilt. The guilt that I'm going to somehow pass my depressed mood onto him. That I'm not being the best mommy to him that I can be. It's hard to be a mom when some days you don't want to leave your bedroom. It's hard to get out and do things when your anxiety is so high, you worry about every possible little thing. Recently I've been afraid to do things in public because of all the random shootings that have been happening, as well as kidnappings and women abductions. It's hard to be a mom and get all the shit done you need to get done, when you feel not worthyI feel trapped sometimes. A prisoner of my own mind and a slave to my fear. I hate this. I've tried and tried to break it and nothing works. I used antidepressants and anti anxiety meds for years, and they would only help temporarily. Then I'd go into darker depressions than before. So I quit big pharma, and my depression hasn't been as bad. But it still eats me up some days. Today is one of those days. I had to vent to someone because I'm afraid my family members are tired of hearing about it. Thanks for reading. If you have any suggestions on how to deal with this, please let me know. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Kpsgfo
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