This dad needs help.

First thing is this is going to be long so I can give some back story (its somewhat important) but ill put a TLDR at bottom.I am 26 have two kids (Girl 3, Boy 1.5) and have been married for 6 years. I am fortunate enough for my wife to be able to stay home with the kids and she has loved it up until about 6 months ago. I know things have been a little tense in our house for the past couple of years (not like divorce area or anything like that just young parents stressed about kids, house, and healthcare the normal stuff) and we always blamed it on me being extremely unhappy at my job. Well a month ago i finally got the nerve to switch to another company (took a small pay cut but not enough to strain us at all) and I've went from being a miserable person all the time to people are asking my why I am so happy all the time. Well I just assumed that this would make everything better in our house. I was wrong. I think all it did was make me notice that much more how frustrated my wife is with our three year old. So let me tell you about our three year old. Shes a great kid, super smart and very inquisitive. She is also able to read people way to well for someone that age. However...she has started acting like all three year olds and testing us all day every day. I am not saying I never loose my cool with her or even historically ive been the best but recently I've noticed that my wife has went from being a frustrated mom that her kids wont listen to to being furious at everyone in the house all the time for the smallest things. I love my wife I want that clear. I want to help her and have tried everything from calming the situation down in a low voice to removing whatever is bothering her from the room all together. Most recently ive really been struggling with the way she is speaking to our daughter. About 90% of the time that Im home 5:30 pm to 7:30 am I am hearing my wife talk through her teeth at our daughter (or me) or snapping at her for asking questions. Now Ill give her the fact that our daughter can be like Stewie with Louise on family guy but im talking this is an all day no matter what shes doing thing. Ive tried confronting her about it several times calmly and I am normally met with no Im not your always yelling about the baby crying. Ive only got her to acknowledge it a couple times. Which brings me to the baby lol this is whats funny. She has never done any of this to our 1.5 year old...ever. In fact if I get upset because he is throwing a fit for no reason (which I am working on) she is quick to point it out and get on to me for it. Which makes no sense because im not yelling or talking ugly to him I may just be blowing my breath because he has been screaming for 20 minutes.So yea I know everyone's suggestion...counseling. I get that. But we live in a small city and even once I convince her to go along with that and we budget for it, it still may be a while before we can find someone to see us hence why I am here. I just need a suggestion of something to try. Or say. Or DO. In the mean time. So I just want to add that the reason this is bothering me so much ( and ill even admit that I could be making a bigger deal out of it than it is) is because my whole life until I was 16 my dad spoke to me with this anger through his teeth exactly like I have been hearing my wife doing. I was depressed most of my early life because of this and ill be damned if I let my daughter go through that if I can do anything to stop it. Why 16 years only you ask? Because when I was 16 I was involved in a fatal car accident that left me in the hospital for a week. I watched my dad break completely down that whole week for the first time ever and when I left he never spoke to me the same way. I even had friends tell me they noticed this is was such a difference.TLDR: Wife is a stay at home mom and has been happy doing it up until the last 6 months. She has started talking extremely angry at our daughter most of the time. Please help me I do not know what to do anymore.Edit: So I may have been somewhat flustered after writing this post after an episode this morning. I hope everyone understands that I am in no way condemning my wife for any of this I am only wanting to help her. Everyone's suggestions so far have been exactly what I needed to get the drive to keep working on fixing this. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2jFMp3A