Hi guys. Just looking for some moral support I think. I’m having a really hard time and your thoughts would be appreciated. I don’t post much on Reddit so sorry if this is a jumble, I’ll try simplify. I was in a relationship with my son’s dad for a couple of years which gradually fell to bits when I became pregnant. It was towards the end that he finally left. We stayed in strained communication for the weeks leading up to my son’s birth. We had an argument and I told him I was having really bad braxton hicks that I was afraid might be labour pains. I rang my midwife and she told me to stay calm and find them, look for a show etc. I didn’t hear from the dad for another 3 days. I didn’t rely on him to turn up for the actual birth. I saw him a few times in the months after that, in passing in the street. He was always very good at quickly changing direction if he saw us (me and baby) coming his way. I snapped one day when he had no alternative but to crash through some bushes by the pathway we were on. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. My son was 7 months old. I had it out and it was long and horrible but by the end of it he agreed to seeing our son. We met once after that in a coffee shop. We initially had to reschedule because he was on a night out and too hungover. He met our son and I made it extremely clear verbally and over message that he had to be consistent and see our son regularly. He didn’t. We set up CM payments and I said he should try to set aside an afternoon or morning a week to see baby. He didn’t. On our son’s first birthday he turned up with presents. This was the next time he saw his son. There was no communication. I simply asked him to leave. A year later he missed a CM payment. I texted him and asked what was happening. I stressed it was absolutely fine if he didn’t want to pay anything. He never replied. I drove by his home (I’d like to stress here he lives 2 minutes from me) to see if his car was there. Long story short, he hid in his house for an hour till he finally came out and was livid. I was like look, I just want to know. If you’re not paying that’s fine, if you are, that’s fine. Off the back of that contact, we agreed to a trial day with him seeing our son. He seemed very remorseful that he had missed 2 years and wanted to be serious about things. He talked a lot about all his friends having now gotten married, having children, or were in serious relationships and moving away and he felt very left out. I was extremely on guard after this and disappointed. Regardless, we went on with the trip, and I kept an open mind. We had a trial day and he wasn’t serious. He was on his phone, didn’t take money, didn’t engage with our 2 year old very much. I was drained. Physically, emotionally. I felt more tired than I did when I gave birth. I didn’t even need hindsight, to go away and think over the situation and come back to it with a clear head. I gave him 6 hours with our son, together on an Easter egg hunt at a castle and then a play area. It was so so fucking exhausting, and I told him that when I dropped him off. He didn’t accept what I said, but I just told him tough. There’s absolutely no way I’m meeting up with you to babysit two children while you sit on your phone. A year later I’ve received a contact order from his solicitor. And it’s a punch to the stomach. It really is. After having every opportunity to be there before. The only thing that’s changed between the last time we saw him and now is, he got a girlfriend with 2 children and I’ve heard they’re engaged. I’m just done guys. I’m so fucking done. I’ve condensed this as much as I can and tried to keep my resentment from bubbling over but I’m actually so sad and angry. I’ve been doing this alone for 3.5 years. I had such a horrible birth, it gave me ptsd. My life was derailed when he left because we were meant to be buying a house together. We were homeless, housed in terrible conditions (living happily now thankfully). He’s had every opportunity to be there and he’s squandered it. Where was his concern when we didn’t have a home? When I nearly died in labour? When his son had to go to hospital? My son has a right to see and get to know and love his father. I’ve always asserted that. A dad and mam are no more or less than each other. But equal rights means equal effort and responsibility. So how has this been fair? I feel shattered and heartbroken for our son. He’s never asked and never lacked for his dad, which has been a huge relief. And now the court will likely decide its fair for them to get to know each other. For how long? 6 months? A year? And then dad breaks up with his fiancé and fucks off again for another year.I’ve raised my son so well. He’s so amazing. He’s literally the loveliest, kindest, brightest child I’ve ever met. Like I was such a fuck up till I had him, literally just partying all the time, and I’ve turned my life around. I’m a psychology and criminology student and I’m doing things a bit backwards I know but everything is for my son. I’m devastated. I feel like everything I’ve done is about to be ripped apart.Guys I really need some feedback here. Has anyone been through this? How did you cope? How can I be there for my son? How do I explain anything to him? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FLMQkW
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