My x and I got divorced when my son was 2, through a difficult custody battle, I won primary physical custody and we have joint custody otherwise (basically, he stays with me the majority of the time, and goes to school in the area that I live in, he see's his mom on the weekends and we split the summer evenly). He is now 14, and he is having a difficult time with his mom.To sum it up, she is a text book narcissist, and a bit of a sociopath. She doesn't care who's feelings she hurts, as long as she is able to control someone (in all reality, I'm not sure she truly comprehends the pain she puts others through, I don't think she can empathize), she guilt trips anyone she's close to, as it ensures she has the upper hand. She did this to me frequently (and still does, but it doesn't bother me anymore), and she started doing it to our son as soon as she could see it had the ability to control him. While she has never physically abused him, she's not shy about emotional abuse, she will threaten him with everything she can think of to get him to 'act' a certain way, or to get him to do the things she wants him to do. She will do anything, from telling him that she will prevent him from ever seeing me again, to just lying about things I've done or said, or even calling him names to his face, the list goes on and on. Of course if I ever confront her about it, she downplays it, she'll say he was wrong about what he heard her say, or that he's lying about it. While this is all terrible, I think I've done a pretty good job teaching my son to cope with it in a healthy way. I've had him in counseling a few times when he has an especially difficult time with it.Ever since he was little, he would understand that his mom was hurting his feelings, and as he got older, I did my best to teach him that it wasn't his fault, and I think he gets it, I also, inadvertently, put it in his head that as he got older, he would have more control over where he wanted to spend his time, saying I was prepared to go back to court, to try to win sole custody (with my lawyer telling me that him talking to a judge would help to make that a possibility). Not only did I want to make him feel better and give him hope, but I also had every intention of following this path, however, I now realize it was a mistake to put that thought into his head, because he was basically counting on that happening. As he got older, the lawyers that I talked to implied that it's not as easy as that. She would basically have to be a hardened criminal to really lose out on her custody (especially in a situation where the father has primary custody in a state that favors the mother). Now he's 14 and he's getting super depressed about it. He gets so much anxiety about even having to go to her house on the weekend. She hasn't changed her treatment of him, but it's not enough to warranty a custody decision in my favor, and if I even try, she would make his life so much more miserable from that point forward just as a vengeance tactic, either to get back at me, or to 'punish' him for trying to go along with it, even more so if she's able to retain any custody. I feel like I have ruined parts of his life, that I've prevented him from having wonderful parts of his childhood, because, well, it seems like I've painted myself in a corner. I don't know what to tell him that will make him feel better, even if I could tell him something, he would still have to face that abuse on the weekends. I want him to look back and have wonderful memories of his childhood, but I'm worried that he's only going to see the dreadful weekends that he's had to spend dealing with his mom. Any advise, or input would be most welcome. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2gBaww7
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