I can't co-parent and I give up.

I have been divorced for 9 years. My ex never seemed to care about raising our child in a responsible manner. When she was young, if she didn't like a food it was "oh, just feed her the bananas, don't worry about any vegetables". There were no rules, no naps, she would just scream her head off until I got up and he slept through it all. Never helped. Never held her.Well, he is re-married which is fine. Our child is now 12 and we have a custody agreement. He disappeared for about a year after he kicked us out of his house entirely, so he does pay child support (taken directly from his employer for non-compliance).However, now it is a free-for all at dads house. There are NO rules. There are rules at my house and she is beginning to rebel here. I have taught her how to do laundry and dishes and she helps out. At his house:She has been caught chatting in chat rooms with older men. She admitted that she chatted with a 25 year old man. My ex confirmed this was an accident, yet still allows her in chat rooms. She has free roam on YouTube and has clicked some bad content. One scary video had her up crying at my place until 3am for a few nights in a row. This was just last month. His excuse was just "Oh, yea she did that, oops.".She is given iPads, iPods, (she has 2 computers) taken on shopping sprees where she picks out anything she wants, and is not expected to lift a finger or say thank you. She expects the same here.She has been sleeping in dad's bed because she wakes him up in the middle of the night due to bad dreams. I do not let her sleep in my bed. She pouts about this.There are no chores. Laundry, dishes, and all cleaning is done for her there. She isn't even allowed to touch the toaster or microwave (dad admitted this). They even clean her room. When I ask her to help with those things here, she is now saying I "need a man to do it for me" and that when she grows up she will have a man do all her chores for her.Last night, I logged into Facebook. She had a brand new Facebook account created under either my or his phone number. I know this because my FB is linked to my contacts in my phone and popped right under "People you may know". She has access to a brand new iPad and I reported the Facebook as underage but it is still there. Since she has been caught chatting with adults, this concerns me. I asked my ex about it, and he ignored my text (24 hours later). He ignores texts he doesn't like.Issue at hand, how can I co-parent? I have tried for years to rationalize with the other side that she is in need of at least SOME rules in order to be a functioning adult in society. My ex seems to think money solves everything. If he just shuts her up by granting her every wish, she will be quiet. His wife rolls her eyes when I talk and won't even give me her contact information. It has been 4 years, and I don't even have her cell phone number in case of an emergency.What can I do? I am really really concerned here. It's like I don't exist as a parent and they want to create a fun zone for her to decide to live at permanently one day. I really want to just hand her over. Any advice appreciated! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2eNb6Xq