Im a father of twin boys, very soon to be turning 20. One of the boys has moved out, stable job, in a stable relationship for many years, and is living life. The other twin, pretty much the opposite.I had the boys when i was young (19), i have tried my best as a parent, ive never been unemployed, my wife was a stay-at-home mum till they were in school, then she found work and hasn't stopped since. We have tried to be responsible parents setting a good example.both the boys finished high school over 3yrs ago, and the son in question has been encouraged to find work (every 2nd day). I have caught him out, lying about job applications.. it's a small world, he claimed he applied for a job, unknown to him i have known the owner for 20yrs... but this is one of many. He has had the opportunity to get his drivers licence, he has had his learners permit since he was 16, he has no interest in driving. His pushbike sits in the shed with a punctured tyre, which he has no interest in having fixed.He'll catch public transport only to see friends, but for job interview he has to be driven, in which we don't mind, we'll take him, we do our own thing in the area and head back nearby to a mutual meeting point as we don't want to intrude on his interview. Last time (11am cafe interview), not listening to the owner attentively, we drove him into the city, walked to our arranged meeting point (1030am), and left him to hopefully be soon employed. We dropped back to the meeting point every 30mins, by 2pm we thought maybe he is on a work trial, so we continued with trying to stay entertained. As we walk away, 300mtrs through the city, we find him sitting outside of a closed restaurant (not the cafe he applied for). Turns out his interview isn't at 11am, it is 4pm, and he has to go home, get changed as he has suspected grease on his pants that "I" caused (being in the mechanical industry), but turns out he sat in wet black paint. We put down a towel for him to sit on in the wifes new car, pay the $30 in parking and head home, to come back at 4pm. I had just received a call for work, so my wife dropped him back in. Turns out the position he applied for (stated in the advertisement) they require 2yrs of fast paced restaurant/cafe experience.This was 6mths ago, almost straight away he is back on track not applying for jobs. He requires internet to apply for work he claims, but social networking, facebook, youtube, netflix, etc etc seem to be consuming his life. The Xbox had consumed his life up until i locked it away. He is no longer a junior, so for him to even work in the fast food industry is unlikely. The older he gets, the law says he has a minimum wage which increases as he get older. but the 15yo kid that dropped out of school is fighting for the same jobs as my son is, with the same experience (zero), but 15yo gets paid much less.I recommended an apprenticeship with the military (unbiased with age) and will straighten him out. currently he wakes at 2pm, and asleep by 2am. once again, my wife and i work so we wake him in the morning, we go to work, he heads back to bed, with the a/c on. (We live in a city that is a tourist hub, my wife's entire salary would barely cover the rent, so we both must work to stay here. We have sick family here that require care, specialists are local to the area, so it makes it very difficult to move away to something more affordable.) My suggestion of the military sat well with my wife, she thought it would be a good opportunity (we have family in the military so we know what it can do for a struggling youth), this is until he made the booking for his Aptitude Assessment, he told my wife he was scared, she put an end to the idea. I tried to reason with my wife, she won't even talk about it now.I'm financially struggling, taxes in australia are the 2nd highest in the world, we pay income take directly from our wages, then everything we purchase we pay taxes on (starting from 10%), im working 70hrs a week on average, my wife works 35-40hrs, but supporting another adult (not eligible for welfare) is hurting the wallet.He has completed a barrister course (the coffee kind), he has no interest in anything else. Ive explained that "gone are the days of choosing what you would like to do, it's now what you have to do" but that seems to have fallen on deaf ears. Tough love would definitely help him, (if it were up to me he would've accepted the boiler making apprenticeship when he left school) but my wife won't allow any of that approach (im not talking about kicking him out, but moving in with his grandparents 300klm away as work is plentiful, my old man won't put up with lazy though).ive run out of ideas, suggestions, advice, money, patience, & beer... so im asking if anyone can spare any of these it would be greatly appreciated (ps. i drink corona j/k) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FgQvYu
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