My 6yo daughter has been bullied by her ”best friend” (6/m) and his buddies. How can I help her regain her confidence?

I originally posted this in r/TwoXChromosomes and it was recommended that I come here for help.My daughter started Kindergarten last year. The only person she knew going into K was the little boy next door (Jake), whom she had played with maybe 2-3 times prior to K. They immediately became best friends, sat beside each other on the bus, and were in the same class at school. His mom and I were thankful they had each other to play with.It must have been October that she first told me there was a boy in her class (Landon) who was a bully. She’d been in K for only a month and bullying was a new concept we’d recently discussed and so I warned her not to be quick to call anyone a bully because that is a strong word. I told her that some kids have a hard time making friends and maybe he didn’t know how yet. I sincerely regret now not taking this more seriously at the time.It was Christmas break before she mentioned anything again. She asked if I could ask her teacher to read the book “Have You Filled A Bucket Today?” to the class because she felt like Landon really needed to hear it. I contacted her teacher, made the request, and asked that she keep an eye on the boy. This was the last I heard anything about trouble on the playground or with Landon until the last couple weeks of school. I’d like to add in here that we had two teacher conferences during the year. At both, I asked how my daughter was doing socially and I was told she was a leader at her table, was a friend to everyone and got along with everyone. The teacher knew of NO issues.An incident occurred a couple weeks before school ended in which Landon (ringleader), Jake and a third boy all spit on my daughter on the playground. Jake and my daughter both claimed Landon told them all to do it. A week later, Landon did it again (the other boys did not) and was immediately taken to the principals office where his parents were contacted.About this same time, I took my kids for haircuts. My daughter wanted to cut her hair short, into a pixie. After explaining that it would be a big change (she’s always had long hair), she insisted that was what she wanted and I agreed. She LOVED her new hair. Immediately, she wanted to look like a boy and wear boys clothes. We can’t afford to replace her entire wardrobe but slowly over the summer we were able to get some second hand boys clothes and a few new things as well. For back to school, she chose all her clothes from the boys dept. Her Dad and I support her and want her to always be able to express herself however she is comfortable. We don't know if this is a phase due to her experience in K, or a legit gender issue. She's never been a girly-girl, but has never been boyish either, so it could go either way. We are supportive regardless, but we believe it could be related to her wanting the boys to accept her, as I'm about to explain.Over the course of the summer, details of her experience on the playground in K have slowly come out. The boys teased her for being a girl. Wouldn’t let her play certain games bc she was a girl. Chased her, threw balls at her, etc. Jake, the “best friend”, wouldn’t let her play with other kids but if she tried to play with him, his friends were mean to her. Even if she tried to play by herself, Jake would come pester her about who she was playing with. If the boys were mean or chased her, she’d tell them to stop and they’d laugh. And this part burns me up - if she went to a teacher, they told her to “figure it out.” So my child felt helpless. And for whatever reason, she didn't tell me ANY of this when it was happening.Her self esteem has taken a beating because of all of this. If I correct her on ANYTHING, she crumbles. I’m afraid she wants to look like a boy so the boys will like her. And I’m afraid she will get teased for it. She starts first grade in two days. Any suggestions on how I can build her self esteem and confidence back up would be very welcome.I’ve already spoken to the principal, guidance counselor, and her teacher about the bullying and asked that they please watch out for her and HELP her if she comes to them. Neither of these boys is in her class this year, thank goodness, but they will all still have recess together.Names were all changed here to protect the kids. Thank you for reading! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2jUV6IK