This is hard for me to write -- in part because it's a difficult subject and in part because it's about something that I fear happening, rather than something that has happened. I would very much appreciate any insight into what to do here...I suspect that my partner's nephew who I'll call "Joseph" (now 20ish) is a pedophile. I will say immediately that I have no proof of this -- only observation and intuition. At my wedding reception 11 years ago, Joseph separated my little niece (5) from the adults and brought her into a closet to "play hide and seek" and wouldn't let her come out even when the adults were frantically looking for them. A few years later when my son was 2 we were at a family gathering and he was in the den with his cousins. I was half paying attention to the adults and half listening to the children. The second I heard footsteps going to the back bedroom I jumped to check and sure enough Joseph was leading my son into the back bedroom. He said he was tired. I took my son's hand and said he was NOT tired and that he wanted to stay with the other children. I brought him to the den and went back to the room where the adults were... and listened. Within 5 minutes I again heard footsteps and I raced upstairs. Joseph had put my child on the bed and was closing the bedroom door. I snatched him away and angrily said something to the effect that this was not acceptable. I got a blank look and no other emotional response.Over the years I have avoided family visits to my partner's sister's home as a means of avoiding direct contact with Joseph. When our child was 8 we did visit my partner's sister for a meal and Joseph (then 18) was there (I understood he would be away but when we arrived he was there). There were a few suggestions that the 'kids' go play in Joseph's room while the adults visited, but I was on high alert (I thought) and kept my son close by. After supper everyone was helping clean up but at a certain moment my partner and I realized that we were both in the kitchen and that the boys were nowhere to be seen.I need to pause here to clarify one thing... my partner's family is 100% trusting of Joseph and they love and adore him with all their hearts. To them, he is the loveliest kid possible -- so helpful and polite and he has been a boyscout for years. The whole family is so proud of the fact that he has gone so high up in the ranks of the scouts that he's now a leader. To me, this fact is part of the fear. My partner is 100% on the same page as me and we had agreed during this particular visit not to let our son out of our sight... yet here we were in the kitchen each thinking the other was watching him.No more than 5 minutes had passed and I raced outside and noticed the backyard hammock. It wasn't the kind that you lie flat on, but the kind where the material cocoons around you. I pulled back the material and, sure enough, my son was lying in the hammock with Joseph 'cuddling' him. I ordered my son out and, again, I got the disinterested look from Joseph.This weekend there was a large family gathering and Joseph was there. During the gathering, my partner's younger sister announced that she is pregnant -- she is extremely close to Joseph and I am certain that he will be a constant part of her child's life. Frankly, I fear that he will molest her child the first chance he gets. But, of course, I can't know. The only thing I'm 100% sure of is that if I was ever to suggest even in the faintest way that I suspect Joseph is problematic, it would be scandalous and I would be swiftly and irrevocably cut out of the entire family.I guess I'll end this here. My hope is that someone has advice on what to do. Should I call the boyscouts in their city to say that I'm concerned? Is there anything to be done about my partner's sister? I honestly do not know how to protect her child because her reaction to any warning will be to defend Joseph. And then there's the problem with having absolutely no proof that he's a pedophile. Except that I'm sure he is. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NJpty9
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