Stepdad with no authority (vent)

I’ve lived with my girlfriend and her kids 14, 11, 9 for two years. I’m not technically their stepdad since I haven’t proposed to their mom yet. Their real dad is a deadbeat who has joint physical custody so they go back and forth every week. Week here, week there. He has no job, no heat, no hot water (boils water on the stove for their baths) no toothbrushes or toothpaste. So I figure I’m kind of an improvement.So anyway, today our house is pretty messy and I told my girlfriend I was gonna have the kids do some cleaning for the rest of the day. And she said “no, you’re not their real dad, you can’t tel” them what to do” then she went up to their bedroom and they’re all up there together watching movies while I sit in the living room typing this.I don’t know what to do, I’m thinking about leaving them.edit: backstorySo we met on tinder and within a week I was staying at her house so often, I basically moved in with her. We are both very passionate and impulsive people, obviously. And I didn’t have much stuff to move in. Just me, my dog, a few small things.After two years together there have been lots of ups and downs. She’s used to being a single mom and having all the power and control over everything, so it’s been hard for her to give some of that up.When I first moved in.. conditions were so bad that I wouldn’t be surprised if she got her kids taken away if anyone was to see the house. She had no working smoke alarms, countless fire hazards, and she had some elderly dogs that were peeing on all the furniture and the kids beds. And the kids were wetting the bed too. And the mattresses and couches throughout the whole house were soaked with pee. It smelled so horrible. And there was so much clutter everywhere I literally had to come in with a snow shovel to clean the place of all the rubbish. And that’s only the beginning. There were rodents everywhere. Mouse and dog turds all over the place. Just absolutely horrendous.She says the house was so bad because she had just had a mental breakdown and was working two jobs to make ends meat and didn’t have time to clean. But she was also an animal hoarder and a hoarder in general, so it was a number of things compounded.Now we have since moved, and this house is in better shape. But the clutter and messiness has started to get pretty bad again. When she told me I can’t tell them what to do, I got mad and started yelling and swearing and calling her names. And I feel bad about that. But now we aren’t speaking. And I think this is the end of our relationship. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2TOy4ir