I still haven't bonded with my three year old daughter

There's a lot of backstory but I'll try to summarize.I physically had an extremely difficult pregnancy and was in and out of the ER and doctor's office frequently. Becoming pregnant brought out the worst in certain people in my side of the family and my husband's. A lot of extremely bizarre, harassing, almost had to get lawyers involved things happened because of them. I think between my health issues and what people were doing I sobbed several hours a day, everyday while I was pregnant.The family member issues continued for the first several month's of my daughter's life. For about the first year I was extremely physically ill and doctors couldn't find anything wrong. (Mostly painful hot and cold flashes that were so bad I couldn't sleep.) During the first year and a half of my daughter's life she was very ill, always going to doctors and specialists, and going to the ER. For the most part, they knew what was wrong, but not what was causing the issues and just told us to monitor her conditions. Those have all resolved.Now to the present. I browse Pinterest, Google, mommy blogs, etc. I try to find fun craft, play, and baking ideas for us to do. I take her to the park. I basically have a park built in our backyard. The house is fun. She's fairly well mannered and sweet. I give her tons of hugs, kisses, we "wrestle", cuddle and watch movies, etc.But I don't like being around her. I don't know why. When I'm around her I don't feel love, or hate, or any strong feeling. If anything I feel an intense awkwardness and just uncomfortable. If someone handed me a random child and walked away I would probably feel exactly the same way I do with her.I haven't admitted this to anyone outside of reddit but I went to university and got internships so I'd have "legitimate" excuses to not be around her. And recently, about a month before graduating I sent out countless job applications so I wouldn't be at home with her. I was thrilled when I got a salaried job in finance so I would always have reasonable excuses not to be home -- since I'm salaried, I have to stay until the work is done! I do realize how horrible all of this is, but I want to give the entire, honest picture.I feel like it must have something to do with all the history I described. But all of that stuff has been resolved for quite some time. People always say "postpartum depression!" but I'm pretty happy when I'm not around her.I guess I just wanted to get all this off my chest. I was hoping maybe someone could relate and share how things changed for them or what they did.Thanks. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2UMWbDs