At a total loss with my eight-year-old

So, my son is eight and has ADHD and high-functioning autism (Asperger's, if they still used that dx). He's on ADHD meds and his performance in school is excellent, but home life is totally awful. My fiance and I are at a complete loss to get him to follow any sort of instruction or direction. I'm on the verge of tears nearly every morning trying to get him ready for school (I have to hound him to do anything... I'll go in three times and he's just laying on the floor in his underwear every time), and I dread evenings and weekends. We spend all weekend trying to get him to clean his room and all of his crap everywhere. On top of everything else, he's sneaky and he lies. Forget chores - we just want him to keep his stuff cleaned up. I feel like I've tried everything:- Natural consequences: broken toys from stepping on them, losing things, wearing dirty/wrinkled clothes to school because he can't tell which are clean or dirty and the clean clothes have been walked all over for a week- Consequences: No doing this/that fun thing until your stuff is picked up- Rewards: Everyone is doing chores today and once we're done we can go play at the park, star/reward/behavior charts- Praise: Trying to reinforce desired behavior by telling him how proud I am of him when he meets expectations, no matter how small- Collaborative approaches: Writing lists for him to follow, family meetings about expectations, discussing what it means to be a team, "chore time" where everyone is cleaning, putting music on so it's not so boring to do chores- Brute force: I'm throwing everything in the garbage that's not put away (this resulted in him finding creative hiding spots for all of his stuff, places I didn't think to check), no birthday presents if you don't keep your room clean (within reason, obviously I don't expect it to be completely spotless 24/7 - he says he "doesn't care" about birthday presents. Today is his birthday party).- We do *not* use physical punishment, and I will not give him "prizes" or money for doing the absolute bare minimum of keeping his crap from being all over the house. He has literally no other chores because this takes up all of his - and our - time.I've tried every suggestion given to me by my friend, who is a behavioral and developmental pediatrician, his teacher, my own mother, books, website articles - nothing works. I've tried being calm, yelling, explaining why I want things done, not explaining why I want things done, praise, positive framing, literally everything. I honestly just feel like giving up, keeping him alive til he's 18 and getting him out of my hair. It's an awful feeling. I love him with all my heart. I try with all my might to show him how much I love him, but I'm distressed as a parent and I just feel like a failure. On top of all of this, he's sneaky and he's a liar. We pulled back the couch and found about 2/3 of his halloween candy (the wrappers) hidden under the couch. Just an example; there's lots of others - our guests just got here for his party. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BJNlvl